sacha chua :: living an awesome life

Today (Thursday) is the area-level Toastmasters international speech
contest. I don’t feel prepared for it at all. Unlike the other
contestants, I haven’t spent weeks preparing for it. I still haven’t
finalized which anecdotes I’ll tell and in what order. Argh.

Today I also have a chance to watch Take the Lead
for free. Well, nearly free. TTC fare round-trip. Whatever. Antonio Banderas! Ballroom dance plus hip-hop moves! Antonio Banderas! Dancing!

_ARGH!_

Decisions, decisions. I’m the only person who’s even somewhat prepared
to represent my club at the speech contest, as no one else volunteered
for the thing. If other people are bad (unlikely!), I might even win
and go on to the district conference, etc. Even if I don’t win,
though, I’ll have a chance to listen to other speakers and learn a
little bit more about style and technique.

From the take-the-first-circus perspective, Toastmasters wins hands
down. This particular contest will occur only once. I can always watch
the movie when it comes out in the cinema or six months from now
during some Graduate House movie night. I’ll probably end up watching
it by myself. It’s one of those cheesy feel-good movies that my guy
friends would probably not be caught watching.

But I’m _still_ going to wish the two events were on different days,
and I’m still going to hate performing. I’m not excited about this
contest. I’ll just to have to grit my teeth and turn up the energy.
I’ll go to the contest, give my speech, listen to other people’s
speeches, and maybe learn a lot about what I like and don’t like.

The last contest wasn’t that much fun, either. I joined the humorous
speech contest six months ago. The first speech relied on scatological
humor, which was a bit crass. My speech was so-so, although I got a
few laughs. I didn’t really find the last speech funny, but it was
more of a speech – used more of the techniques, had more special
effects.

I know competitions are nice for forcing myself to grow. I learned so
much because of my programming competitions. In terms of speaking,
though, I much prefer listening to and interacting with the speakers I
meet at conferences. I don’t like competing head-on with people. I’d
rather measure myself against a standard, competing against myself to
get better.

I’m just not excited about my upcoming speech. Come to think of it,
I’m not that excited about learning from the other speakers, either,
not if the speech quality’s like the last contest.

Maybe this is a lesson in just doing something. I’ll probably
go to the contest and do the best I can, but I’m going to have to fix
this sense of unease. The Toastmasters people aren’t bad. They’ve been
nice to me, and I’ll probably find enough to keep myself busy and
involved. Then I’ll go home, heat up some dinner – whatever’s in the
fridge, probably lasagna – and have myself lots and lots of hot
chocolate. Maybe I’ll bug James or Mike for some company so that the
place isn’t too quiet.

I wish my family and friends were here (or at least in a closer
timezone!) so that I could ask them for advice, or so that they could
push the Toastmasters event from being something I have to get through
to something I’d enjoy. I’m telling _our_ story, and it’s kinda sad
having to cast it as a bloody speech with an introduction, body and
conclusion instead of just part of our shared memory. Ay, Clair and
the rest of my barkada gathered around that vegan sinigang, my father
making jokes… How am I going to tell this story without missing you
all terribly?

I don’t want to give a speech. I want to be able to talk to friends.
Right. That’s how I should think of it. A roomful of strangers who are
paying more attention to the structure of my speech than to its
content – I should forget that, and treat them as people to whom I’d
like to introduce my other friends, to whom I’d like to tell stories
about the warmth I’ve felt. I shouldn’t think about anything else I
could be doing. I should live in the moment.

I’m not ready to give this speech. Then again, I’ve never been ready
to give any speech. I’ve always just gone out there and done it. I’ve
promised not to be intellectually lazy, not to take the easy way out,
and that includes this. Watching a movie would be self-indulgent. This
is going to be annoying, but it’ll probably help me grow. And if it
doesn’t, well, I’ll have hot chocolate and an unexpectedly productive
evening…

On Technorati: speaking, toastmasters, argh, contest

Random Japanese sentence: 犬が１匹、猫が１匹、カナリヤが３羽います。 We have a dog, a cat and three canaries.

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