I now know how to bake brownies from scratch, and I can make them as moist and chocolatey as I want.
I have vanilla ice cream in the freezer.
I am so dead.
IF I promised a tray of chocolatey desserts for a potluck dinner at 7:00, AND I have enough ingredients to bake a second batch of brownies...
Don't even think about it, Sacha. That way lies danger.
They won't mind if I try a bit of it first.
Maybe a bit more.
(I think about this a fair bit even as a 22-year-old because I want to know my values, and reflecting on my values helps me see opportunities in which to practice them. I don't obsess about it. It's just that I'm used to thinking out loud, so I find it easy to write about things like this. =) )
One of the thoughts I took away from last night's Social Tech Brewing session is both discouraging and reassuring: we really can't have it all.
Reassuring because I am not expected to even try to have it all—but discouraging because I am multi-dimensional and stubborn and want it all anyway!
Many people address this problem by dividing their lives into stages: single-mindedly focusing on business, then developing their personal lives and finding their meaning when they've established themselves, when they have enough. Or the other way around: building their family and deepening their ties to the community, then returning to the workforce when the children have left the nest or when they've accomplished something meaningful enough.
But what is enough, and what happens to the rest of their selves?
I believe I can have the strength to walk away from opportunities. I've done so before, and it gives me great pleasure to pass those opportunities to other people. (It often works out much better, too!)
Still, I see how it's difficult for my mom to disentangle herself from the business and pursue other things that would enrich her life. I also see how it's almost impossible for one of my friends to abandon her family and pursue a career.
I am more than a technologist. Social conditioning or not, it makes me happy to lift someone's mood with a smile or a hug, just as it makes me happy to make someone's day with a snippet of custom Emacs Lisp code. Sometimes, the best thing I can do with my time is to write about my research. Other times, it is to take a friend out for a massage and listen to her intently. I hack, I geek, but I also mediate and nurture, whether I do so by teaching or encouraging or listening.
If I choose to focus on one aspect of myself, how will I nurture all the other aspects of me? I will not have a life that addresses only one side.
I want to be myself every inch of the way, even if it means walking slowly as I figure out each step.
Today's Social Tech Brewing event about Women in Technology gave me much to think about. I'll blog a bit more about it tomorrow, but I just wanted to get some thoughts out before going to bed.
Someone jokingly mentioned a study that claimed that the probability of marriage was proportional to a man's IQ but inversely proportional to a woman's. Quinn added that this study has been ripped apart in blogs before, but the factoid nonetheless sparked an interesting discussion about alpha females and relationships. And yes, despite my consensus-building, nurturing side, I'm still very much an alpha-type geekette.
This should make life interesting.