August 6, 2006

Bulk view

Planning my birthday party

I’ve been drafting my invitation for my 23rd birthday party. I know, I
know, I’m late. I should give people more than a week’s notice. But
with one thing or another… Meep.

I started drawing up a guest list, and I felt panic starting to set
in. I’m at over 40 people right now. Looking at the living room…

I need to focus. This is *my* birthday party, and I’ll celebrate it
the way I want to. =) I want to:

  • Tell stories about my past year. Lots of firsts!
  • Share my questions.
  • Set and share goals for the next year.

It’s more important for me to have an intimate party than it is to
have a large one. I want to invite people who would care about my last
year and be there for my next one. If I’m going to ask people for
letters, they should be people to whom I can write similar letters.
Plus points for people who read my blog and comment. ;)

Okay. 23 people, including myself. We’ll just have to find some way of
fitting into my living room at Graduate House.

I must be ruthless about my party plans. I can celebrate with other
people later. =)

Not my best day ever

Two dinner parties in two days: Simon Ditner’s potluck (I brought
brownies) and Pavel Zaitsev’s Russian dinner. I wish the timing
could’ve been better, because life is so much more fun when you don’t
have to deal with cramps and related indignities.

It’s just one of those days when I find myself with less energy than
usual. I hate that.

I’m so glad that Simon Rowland came along to both parties. In
particular, I was pretty out of it during Pavel’s small dinner party,
and Simon made up for my conversational dead weight by just connecting
with people there. He’s awesome.

Why was I so out of it? Aside from the circumstances, I had gotten
fairly stressed out in transit. I ordinarily try not to get stressed
out about stuff, but I found it hard to calm myself. Pavel had called
me up a few times to follow up, so I felt *really* guilty about being
late, and I felt so stressed out about it that Simon suggested we take
a taxi instead. When we got there, though, I was a little bit relieved
to see that the party hadn’t started yet—but I was off for the rest
of the evening, and I couldn’t muster the strength to connect with the
other people there.

I’m not happy with the way I behaved today. I can’t do much about it
now, but maybe I can do better in the future. One way to do that, I
suppose, is to confine myself when I’m having one of these days…

It wasn’t all bad, though. The highlight of my day was learning more
about the Philippines. Simon was curious, so we looked it up on Google
Earth and in the CIA Factbook.

In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have gone out knowing that I
wasn’t quite there. I’m tempted to spend tomorrow curled up with a
stuffed penguin and feeling sorry for myself, but that won’t
accomplish much. Maybe tomorrow’s sunshine will make me feel better.

So yeah, I do too have days when I feel awkward, even terrible.