I’m quieter than I remembered, than I hoped. The stories I most want
to tell, the unbloggable things I still need to think through, I can’t
share because my family isn’t ready to listen instead of judge. I
can’t think things through with them.
So I dodge the barbs, change the topics of conversation, downplay what
I feel. I’m sad, but not for reasons they think I am. I’m happy, but
not for reasons they know.
It’ll be hard to learn how to trust them with this. I should talk to
them about it, perhaps. Tell them how I feel when they do what they
do, tell them that the consequences of their actions is that I am
discouraged from talking to them about stuff like that, explore more
constructive ways of interacting. I’ll try that. I want more than what
we have now.
They are still human and still learning, and I am still human and
When you realize that this is true for everyone and everything, it
becomes a little easier to practice loving kindness. It is still hard,
but it becomes a little easier.
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My mom at the breakfast table: “Sacha, do you remember that
conversation between Kathy and your dad last night?” She remembered
wanting to blog something, but she couldn’t remember what it was. I
drew a blank, too.
My mom! Having “I am -so- blogging that” moments! And blogger’s
I heart my mom.
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I think my parents spend more time on the Internet than I am.
Seriously. My parents are hooked on these online forums for
photography in the Philippines. My dad checks then first thing in the
morning, last thing at night, and several (dozen) times in between. He
has his own thread on one of the forums, with 170+ pages of posts. My
mother started by lurking on those forums to find out what my dad was
promising to other competitors, and has come to have her own
I love what it’s done for them. It’s the daily dose of appreciation
that never fails to cheer up my dad. It’s the way my mom can remember
the good things about my dad when he’s grumpy. It helps them reflect
on and share their experiences.
And my mom now thinks in terms of blog entries… <laugh>
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Maybe I don’t have to highlight it explicitly. Maybe I can just keep
sharing good stories. Maybe I can just choose to be open instead of
quiet. Maybe that will be all that’s needed. =) Loving patience,
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Prophet of God, in quest of the uttermost, long have you searched the
distances for your ship.
And now your ship has come, and you must needs go.
Deep is your longing for the land of your memories and the
dwelling-place of your greater desires; and our love would not bind
you nor our needs hold you.
- From The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
I am of two worlds that will never meet. I will be like the ocean,
waves touching first one shore and then the other, and yet in both
places at the same time.
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It’s easier to drink plenty of water when you’re sweating rivers of it. =)
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Not the kind of thing that I can easily play on my computer, but I
think we just might enjoy sinking some time into it. Amazing. Last
time I played it, it still looked like Civ I… Wow.
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