As me as I could be

Someone asked me last night: If I got a check for $15,000,000, what
would I do? I think he expected a change of lifestyle, splurging on
luxuries, full-time volunteer work for a favorite cause, or even any
of the things that people fantasize about when they buy lottery
tickets or speculate on stocks or gamble in casinos. What would I do
if lots of money showed up on my doorstep?

I wouldn’t do anything with the money. Not yet. I’d lock it up in some
(insured?) somewhat liquid form and let it wait while I learned more
about myself and about life.

The things I want can’t be bought or rushed. I want to learn how to be
me. I want to deepen relationships, and I want the laughs and tears
and fights and reconciliations that go with that. I want to be part of
a community, both at work and at home. I want to discover the joy of
work and the satisfaction of a job well done. I want to step out of my
comfort zone occasionally, but have a good foundation to build on and
draw strength from. I want to grow into myself.

And someday, when character has been built up brick by brick from the
everyday decisions, then I’ll naturally share more and more of my
gifts with the world. I don’t know exactly how that will go, but I’m
confident that life will be wonderful.

Some people may think that my dreams are smaller than they were
before. I think my dreams are just different. People like hearing
grand visions of the future. I want to learn how to discern the right
step in the current moment.

Will it really matter if I won’t be as famous as I could be, or as
rich as I could be, or as accomplished as I could be? Maybe what
will matter is that I’ll be as me as I could be.

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