Slow days

Some days, it feels like all we do is get through our daily routines. I made these visual schedules to see if they could help A- get a sense of the sequence, provide more opportunities for autonomy, and keep us moving. A- recognizes all the steps, and sometimes even asks for the cards. (“I want bedtime routine index card.”)

Between each neatly-outlined step, however, are unpredictable gaps filled with reading, playtime, soothing, exploration. In fact, we rarely start the morning routine until 12 or 1 PM, and it often takes us a few hours until we’re ready to get out the door – if we make it out at all.

Today we didn’t make it out to the playground because A- wanted to read lots and lots of books before dressing up, blow giant bubbles on the porch, and splash lots of water in the backyard. Actually, come to think of it, it was a pretty good day. Not the day I thought we’d have when we finally got up at noon, but still full of wonderful moments that I was sometimes too preoccupied to appreciate.

I could push A- more, but that’s probably missing the point. Besides, it’s good to experiment with this level of flexibility.

I realized I’ve been approaching this schedule thing incorrectly. I let it become a drumbeat in my mind, and toddlers have their own rhythm. What do I really want? I want A- to recognize distinct steps in the sequence so that she can say what still needs to be done, and grow into being able to do things herself. That can come later. Better to keep our daily routines joyful for as long as we can.

Back to Stoic philosophy. There are things that are not entirely under my control, but I can choose how to perceive things and what to will. The drag comes from wanting something that is different from what is, and what’s the point of that? I may want to go to the playground or the science centre for A-‘s benefit–or is it mine, seeking stories that also reassure me that we’re Doing the Right Thing? Phrased that way, the answer is clearer to me. She’s telling me that she’s just as fine learning from the everyday moments we share. Probably even better. It’s good to work with the grain instead of against it.

Sometimes I want to nudge her along faster because I’m tired or hungry, or I need to brush my teeth or go to the bathroom. I’m the grown-up. I can get better at anticipating my own needs or bearing a little discomfort. I’m also okay with weathering the occasional upset when I need to insist, but I’d rather get better at solving the problem on my end whenever I can.

As I bring myself closer in alignment with what’s out there instead of what’s in my head, I’ll be able to appreciate A- more. What a great opportunity to practise being flexible, even if I might occasionally fumble.