Headlines for Monday:
|A||X||@0900-1000 Introduce Sam to Stephen, note accessible computing|
|A||X||@1130-1200 Return library book|
|A||X||@1200-1230 Call PCfinancial regarding USD deposit|
|A||X||@1230-1800 Study for midterms|
|C||X||@1800-2000 Tango classes|
|A||X||Print out all the handouts from class|
1. Let other people help
So get up the courage to ask people for help. It can be very good for you.
2. Getting along with other geeks
Diane Gonzales asks: how do you find and hang out with other geeks?
It can be tough getting started, particularly when you feel everyone else is geekier than you are. I've hung out with people with crazy geek powers, like reciting more than a hundred digits of pi. (Weirdos! ;) ) I've met kernel tweakers and book authors, embedded programmers and math wizards. Almost all the geeks I know are geekier than I am in at least one thing. Then again, I totally freak them out with my devotion to Emacs... <grin>
So, how do you start hanging out with other geeks?
Challenge geeks on their home turfs and you'll get a lot of information but very little connection. You can spend hours talking about Linux or PHP, but that could degenerate into just talking _at_ each other in a one-upmanship contest of geekiness. Discussions of computer history or programming languages are particularly bad things to talk about, because it's so tempting to try and establish a geek pecking order. ("My other computer was a VAX.") I get _so_ turned off by intellectual snobbishness.
You're better off introducing _non-geek_ interests and activities. Geeks feel particularly well-understood when you talk to them about how geekiness leaks over into other aspects of life. What's the geekiest thing you've ever done? Don't give stale answers like staying up until 5 hacking on a project. Everyone's done that. Talk about things that aren't normally geeky. Explain something normal in a geeky way. For example, just last night a couple of geeks and I were talking about ballroom dancing, and I compared it to computer science... =) Geek get-togethers are more enjoyable when you stop thinking you need to know everything and you start thinking that you're there to have fun.
Clever wordplay, geeky observations, geeky jokes--that's how you loosen geeks up and get them to feel comfortable around you. Then it becomes much easier to talk about technical stuff. (One of the coolest things about having a geeky boyfriend is how conversations can go from sappy to technical so easily--and how technical stuff can sound _sooo_ sweet...)
Diane: You're also going to have to learn to deal with people who try to hit on you. Geeks tend to not be very good at dealing with girls. Once they find out you're respectably geeky (that is, your eyes don't glaze over when they talk about operating systems, and you understand their need to just hack), many of them will set their sights on you. They'll try to impress you with their l33t hacking skillz. They'll try to teach you something new or give you too much attention. Gently but firmly steer the conversation away from their Linux-powered alarm clock and back to whatever you want to talk about.
On the plus side, your attention can be a powerful thing. Learn how to listen attentively so that you can make people feel listened to and appreciated. Smile. Laugh at people's jokes if they're a bit funny. Make eye contact, but don't stare, and turn every now and then to include someone else in the conversation. People's attention will be drawn to whoever you're paying attention to, which is also good for nudging conversations the way you want them. Read books on body language to learn how to use your face and posture to show interest or disinterest.
If there are post-event parties, go to them. If you're new to the group, you'll fade out of conversations longer than normal, but you'll probably catch enough to make it useful. 'course, make sure you're going to a reasonably secure place. =) I did that when I was in Osaka for an open source convention. I talked to a few Debian developers there because I needed to get my key signed. They decided to go for food and drinks at a nearby bar. I tagged along even though I barely knew anyone and I was having trouble keeping up with Japanese. I understood maybe 10% of the conversation (and that 10% was Emacs-related!), but it was definitely a lot of fun.
Look for people who know a lot of other people. They can introduce you to other people with compatible interests or personalities. You can also do a good deed by helping other wallflowers become comfortable. Find out what they're interested in and come up with a connection between that and what you're interested in.
You might start off with just interacting one-on-one with people, but it pays to get people to get to know each other. Then you can hang out with more people at a time, and you get to see how they interact with each other. Pretty soon, you'll find yourself with a geeky barkada! =)
(... ack, did I just recommend _small talk_?! Umm. Small talk with a geeky flavor!)
3. In the arms of a stranger
It felt so good to dance again.
I like dancing.
I like being able to walk backwards without looking, confident that my partner won't let me walk into obstacles. I like finding myself turning in response to the slightest push. I like listening, following.
I guess that's why I enjoy social dance more than any other form of dance. Social dance is a conversation between two bodies. A good dance allows me to feel that I've truly listened to someone, that someone knew how to talk to me and I knew how to understand him. How wonderful it is to be able to completely listen to someone without worrying that he'll take it the wrong way!
How much more wonderful would it be if the dance was just the background for another conversation? I think it would be nice to dance with someone I know. (And a _particular_ someone I know, at that... ;) )
Tango will probably be easier to pick up than swing. Tango's slower, and it's less about memorized steps than it is about flow. Or maybe a nice waltz...
Ah, waltzes. I remember Terry-sama and her husband, silver-haired but still spry, gliding across the special dancing floor in their basement. In their carefree dancing, I saw years and years of listening to each other. Wow.
I want to learn how to dance like that. It isn't about memorizing patterns. It isn't about moving quickly. Heck, it isn't even about getting the rhythm. It's about leading and following, speaking and listening... I want that. I want to learn how to _dance._
I'd love to hear about any questions, comments, suggestions or links that you might have. Your comments will not be posted on this website immediately, but will be e-mailed to me first. You can use this form to get in touch with me, or e-mail me at [email protected] .