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Headlines for Monday:
I'm quieter than I remembered, than I hoped. The stories I most want to tell, the unbloggable things I still need to think through, I can't share because my family isn't ready to listen instead of judge. I can't think things through with them.
So I dodge the barbs, change the topics of conversation, downplay what I feel. I'm sad, but not for reasons they think I am. I'm happy, but not for reasons they know.
It'll be hard to learn how to trust them with this. I should talk to them about it, perhaps. Tell them how I feel when they do what they do, tell them that the consequences of their actions is that I am discouraged from talking to them about stuff like that, explore more constructive ways of interacting. I'll try that. I want more than what we have now.
They are still human and still learning, and I am still human and still learning.
When you realize that this is true for everyone and everything, it becomes a little easier to practice loving kindness. It is still hard, but it becomes a little easier.
Random Emacs symbol: gnus-button-handle-custom - Function: Follow a Custom URL.
My mom at the breakfast table: "Sacha, do you remember that conversation between Kathy and your dad last night?" She remembered wanting to blog something, but she couldn't remember what it was. I drew a blank, too.
My mom! Having "I am -so- blogging that" moments! And blogger's regret!
I heart my mom.
Random Emacs symbol: event-apply-modifier - Function: Apply a modifier flag to event EVENT.
I think my parents spend more time on the Internet than I am. Seriously. My parents are hooked on these online forums for photography in the Philippines. My dad checks then first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and several (dozen) times in between. He has his own thread on one of the forums, with 170+ pages of posts. My mother started by lurking on those forums to find out what my dad was promising to other competitors, and has come to have her own following.
I love what it's done for them. It's the daily dose of appreciation that never fails to cheer up my dad. It's the way my mom can remember the good things about my dad when he's grumpy. It helps them reflect on and share their experiences.
And my mom now thinks in terms of blog entries... <laugh>
Random Emacs symbol: selected-frame - Function: Return the frame that is now selected.
Maybe I don't have to highlight it explicitly. Maybe I can just keep sharing good stories. Maybe I can just choose to be open instead of quiet. Maybe that will be all that's needed. =) Loving patience, that's all.
Random Emacs symbol: message-insert-courtesy-copy - Function: Insert a courtesy message in mail copies of combined messages.
Prophet of God, in quest of the uttermost, long have you searched the distances for your ship.
And now your ship has come, and you must needs go.
Deep is your longing for the land of your memories and the dwelling-place of your greater desires; and our love would not bind you nor our needs hold you.
- From The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
I am of two worlds that will never meet. I will be like the ocean, waves touching first one shore and then the other, and yet in both places at the same time.
Random Emacs symbol: minibuffer-depth - Function: Return current depth of activations of minibuffer, a nonnegative integer.
It's easier to drink plenty of water when you're sweating rivers of it. =)
Random Emacs symbol: occur-mode-map - Variable: Keymap for `occur-mode'.
OMG, it still works. And I can just barely type with it. Sweet. I am so bringing this back.
Random Emacs symbol: w3m-cookie-store - Function: Store COOKIE.
Not the kind of thing that I can easily play on my computer, but I think we just might enjoy sinking some time into it. Amazing. Last time I played it, it still looked like Civ I... Wow.
Random Emacs symbol: mm-file-name-delete-control - Function: Delete control characters from FILENAME.