I’d love to hear from you. If you have any thoughts, comments, or suggestions, please feel free to post a comment or contact me privately. If you attended the presentation, please fill out the survey, suggest improvements, and tell me about other topics you would like to learn more about!

Slides:

Jump to the text chat

Speaker’s notes:

Hi, I’m Sacha Chua, and I’m an introvert. <clapping>

You might be, too. Do you prefer bookstores over bars? Puzzles more than parties? Close friends instead of crowds? If so, you might be an introvert.

It can be hard to connect as an introvert. LinkedIn and Facebook can feel like popularity contests. How many friends do you have? Should you say yes to invitations from strangers? Meetups can be overwhelming. So many choices to make, so many people to meet…

So what can you do if you’re shy?

There are plenty of books and blogs about social networking, because success and happiness often depend on whom you know and who knows you.

“Sell yourself!” “Brand yourself!” “Attend as many events as you can!” “Talk to people in the elevator!” they advise. Right.

Most of the networking tips I’ve read are geared toward extroverts who don’t need tips on how to talk to strangers.

Me, I hate starting conversations. I find it hard to make small talk. I’m too shy to reach out. Following up takes focused effort.
Sound familiar? Ever felt that way, too?

Here are seven things I’ve learned about connecting as an introvert. I hope these tips will help you play to your strengths.

Tip 1: It’s okay to be an introvert.

You don’t need to fake being extroverted. You don’t need to be a glad-handing, business-card-throwing networker in order to connect. Just listen and ask a few questions during conversations. Give yourself quiet time to recharge. Connect online if you feel more comfortable that way. Figure out what works for you.

For me, blogging often works out better than going to events. Now that I understand that about myself, it’s easier for me to say, “No, I’m planning to stay home” when faced with an invite. I’m much more comfortable blogging than partying, and I can share in a way I simply can’t do in person.

Tip 2: Change your perspective.

It’s not about selling yourself. It’s not about marketing your personal brand. It’s not about figuring out what other people can do for you. It’s about focusing on what you can do to help other people.

Focus on what can help other people be happier and more successful. Ask questions. Explore ideas.

Focusing the spotlight on the other person makes it easier to make conversation and get to know others.

Tip 3: Give people reasons to talk to you, both online and offline.

Most people find it hard to start a conversation, too. Do them a favour and give them an excuse to approach you.

An interesting hat makes you easy to find in a crowd. Accessories with character draw remarks. Keywords on your nametag lead to conversations.

Online? Share your interests and thoughts. People can find you through search engines and reach out to learn from you.

My favourite? Giving a presentation. Talking to a hundred people at once is easier than talking to two at a time because I can rehearse what I want to say. I reach way more people this way, and I don’t have to start any conversations!

Tip 4: Look for ways to help.

While you’re listening, think: What do I know? Who do I know? How can I help?

Have I read a book they might like? Have I talked to someone they should meet? Do I have an interesting idea that can save them time?

Even if you can’t help right away, if you make it a point to remember their need, you may be able to connect the dots later.

Tip 5: Give yourself homework.

Following up with someone is easier when you’ve promised to send them a link or introduce them to someone else who can help.

That’s why you should always carry something you can use to take notes. Why worry about forgetting when you can write things down?

Tip 6: Make it easy to get to know you.

So you’ve met someone, learned about their interests, and followed up. How do you build the connection from there?

Even if you don’t like talking about yourself, you can make it easier for other people to get to know you.

Share your interests, skills, and goals. The more people know about what you can do, the more you can find opportunities to help them.

A personal website or profile page is a good way to start. Link it in your e-mail signature and put it on your business card.

A blog is even better. If you share tips, ideas, and a bit of a personal touch, people might even subscribe and really get to know you over time. They might even help you grow! =)

Tip 7: Keep growing, and your network will grow with you.

As you develop your passions, improve your skills, and grow your network, you’ll be able to create more value — and more, and more, and more.

The more you understand your passions, the easier it is to communicate them.

The more you improve your skills, the more you can help others.

The more people you know, the more introductions and connections you can make.

If you share what you’re learning with people, your network can grow along with you.

Then you won’t have to fake being an extrovert or drain yourself of energy; people and opportunities will simply flow to you.

Which of these tips would you like to focus on, practice, and learn more about? How can I help you explore your networking potential?

Notes from the text chat:

General notes

I’m an introvert in a business environment and an extrovert outside
The whole marketing myself through social media is a real challenge

Giving people reasons to talk to you

The name tag words are a good idea!

I want to see your funny hat
I think people would think I was strange if I walked in with a funny hat
I would be more shy if I have a hat on
Depends… sophisticated hat = empowering. goofy hat = loss of professional credibility

Living in an extroverted world

I pretend to be an extrovert all the time. People think I know what I’m doing but I am a mess inside.
People think i’m extroverted and don’t understand when i try to explain that i need down time or can’t overschedule myself
What about someone who complains all the time about personal issues?
Being a person that does not watch a lot of TV, I find that I need to watch the news more in order to be able to converse and stay up on current events, all over, including in the entertainment world. To be more well-rounded.

Conversations with introverts

Sometimes people just don’t talk back. I may start the conversation asking questions, but get yes/no answers.
I hear that!
Yes — when you’re trying to talk to other introverts!

Starting the conversation

What do you say when you first see someone besides “how are you”?
Instead of people “how are you” I ask them what brought them to the event, which has worked for me
brava i like the question, what are your passions
I’m a new grad and I work in a team with members that have been working in the company for 15+ years. I have a hard time connecting with them and often times i feel intimidated to even start a conversation that isn’t work related… : |
In a corporate environment, how do you initiate the connection – i always feel awkward inviting a “stranger” to lunch
I agree that it is hard to start non-work-related conversations.
new grad; ask one of those people to help you / take you under their wing

Leaving conversations

I have a hard time exiting a conversation gracefully…
How about “It was great talking to you…”
What about saying, I have to go, I have a few other people to meet with

Energy

How can you calm yourself down if you have to lead a conference call, or even worse, make a business speech in front of your peers?
I jump up and down about 20 times to get rid of nervous energy.
Don’t think as talking to peers. Talk to a friendly face or voice you already know.
Talk to “A” person.

Resources

I’m coaching a very shy young woman who is starting a business where she has to invite people to hear about her new business. She isn’t in WITI. Where could I get other information to help me help her?
Joining a local Toastmasters club is an excellent way to improve personal communications as well as giving business presentations.
Yes, Toastmasters is great. We used to have one here. You’re able to get feedback.

Meetings

What are techniques to interrupt people in a meeting when you want to make a point but everyone is talking and there’s no break in the conversation?
What about making more of an effort to speak up in meetings (especially remote)? People could incorrectly interpret shyness or quietness as lack of interest.

Voice and speaking

I get more nervous because I can’t get the “quiver” out of my voice. Any suggestions?
Doesn’t matter how prepared I am.
I get so nervous my neck and chest get red with hives!
When I speak in front of crowds, I stammer over my words. HELP!
Practice with a friend.
Practice in front of a mirror.
When I hear a speaker having trouble, nervous, stammering, I always, always feel I want them to do well, and I usually try and pay attention to them and smile to give them confidence, maybe knowing others (strangers) are on your side might help with the jitters

Personas – professional and social

How do you mix personal and business in social media?
I wouldn’t feel comfortable putting my personal site in my business signature
I use LinkedIn for professional networking and Facebook for personal networking and try not to blur the line
Social networking is big; however, I believe that you need to be careful with what’s put on there, especially in the business area. I’ve seen it used against people too.

Can you say something about posture? How do we show a positive posture?
I meant posture as far as your attitude
How you present yourself

Impressions

I had a friend share with me recently at a networking dinner that I had my hands clasped near my chin a lot, and she said that made me appear disengaged… so I had to watch that.
Here’s my favorite tip & it allows your first impression to be a strong one even if I don’t feel that way– Be the first to extend your hand to say “Hello, I’m Vickie.” You appear to be an extrovert
I did a Krispy Kreme fundraiser for Haiti at work for them to put a face to my name. One of the executives came by to pick up a couple of boxes and it was good to meet him!

Keeping your spirits up

How do you stay positive if people don’t respond or turn you down?
That is hard for me too – to stay positive.

Presentation style and delivery

This is the first entirely visual presentation I’ve seen and appreciate the clarity in ways it portrays the message
These are great slides. Simple and clean and really get the point across.
brava
Thank you Sacha your presentation was great!
This is the best webinar I have ever participated in
Thank you so much, Sacha — I totally relate to your perspective on being an introvert — thanks for doing this!
My first experience with this type of presentation – it was very helpful
I feel like the ‘It’s okay’ smiley guy right now
thank you!
Great presentation. Thanks Sacha.
Very helpful–thanks
excellent presentation – great innovation with your deployment

From the interaction: Challenges people faced: Fairly even spread, more emphasis on small talk and building the relationship

From the interaction: Tips to take forward: Perspective and growth

Previous Shy Connector discussions

Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Post a comment or contact me privately!

Next step for me: Blog about the different topics we discussed, then plan follow-up presentations or articles. Stay tuned!

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Notes from WITI: The Shy Connector

Even new hires can be connectors. It’s a great way to get all sorts of interesting opportunities.

It can be tempting for connectors to try to hang on to that power. They might introduce people to each other, but not share their organizational knowledge of who’s where.

Me, I want to build the post-connector workplace.

I don’t want the power that comes from being the relationship or information broker. I don’t want to be the perpetual go-between. I want to build what I know into the foundation, so that everyone can use it. For me, that means building strong communities and knowledge maps.

Why?

Even connectors who can remember thousands of people are biased by recall and limited by their networks. Passing a question through personal networks take time and result in a lot of duplicates. Networks that depend on connectors lose a lot when those connectors leave.

I’d rather look for new talent than just refer people to the people who come to my mind first. I’d rather build the capabilities into the organization so that everyone knows where to go and how to connect. I try to share everything I’m learning, and I work on connecting dots in public instead of in private.

It’s not about how many followers you have or how influential you are, but about how well the organization and the world works even after you move on.

Thanks to Rosabeth Moss Kanter for the nudge to think about connectors!

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

I’d like to build the post-connector workplace

It took me a while to understand that part of me. My parents wanted me to enjoy myself at family reunions. My sisters called me square because I didn’t like hanging out at bars and clubs. Sometimes they let me just read. Other times, I think they wished I was more outgoing. I felt outgoing enough. I liked my own company, and that of a few others. I could spend hours just reading or using the computer. I wasn’t one of the popular kids, but I had a close-knit group of friends I brought together.

People don’t believe I’m an introvert. I speak. I write. I introduce people to others. It seems introverts should be tongue-tied in company, shying away from social contact. I’ve met some like that: hard to get to know, but rewarding when you do.

I’m learning to work with who I am. I plan my schedule so that I don’t overextend myself with events. I enjoy organizing my thoughts and communicating them through presentations, blog posts, and sketches. I get my energy through quiet time.

Thanks to books about introversion, I feel comfortable saying, “Thank you for the invitation to the party, but I’m looking forward to a quiet evening.” No need to pretend I’m over-committed. No excuses about work that needs to be done.

I can fill a conference with energy and hold my own in a room when needed. I even enjoy the buzz. But I know I’m an introvert, so I build quiet time into my schedule and I don’t feel guilty if I need a break.

Shyness is a different matter. There are shy extroverts. Shyness is social anxiety–a feeling of awkwardness, a lack of confidence.

I need a better word. I am not shy. I would just rather jump into the middle of a conversation than start one.

Given a choice between going to a cocktail party with mostly-strangers and hoping for a serendipitous connection, or reflecting on a topic and writing a blog post that can lead to more conversations over time, I’ll pick writing. It gives people reasons to start the conversation with me. It scales, too.

I mix in some randomness so that I’m not constrained by homogeneity. I take up different interests and meet different people. I reach out, read blogs, and leave comments. Yes, sometimes I start the conversation—when I can jump into the middle of it, informed by what people have shared publicly.

I don’t reach out to random people on Facebook and ask them to be my friend. I don’t chat people up at bus stops and in elevators. People who do that make me nervous. Being singled out in an anonymous crowd makes me wonder about people’s intentions. I value the ability to choose when to withdraw and when to engage.

I share, publicly and non-intrusively, so people can choose to reach out to me. We can jump into the middle of a conversation. It’s an odd sort of intimacy. It works.

So what is this? Not shy, not anti-social, not asocial… Pragmatic, because this approach lets me reach far more people? Lazy, because it reduces the work of connection? Respectful, because I give people the choice? None of those quite seem to fit. What word expresses this well?

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Reflecting on introversion and shyness; help me find better words!

The Shy Connector: How to get strangers to talk to you.

Hi, I’m Sacha Chua, and I’m an introvert. <clapping>

You might be too. Do you prefer bookstores more than bars? Puzzles more than parties? Close friends more than crowds?

It can be hard to connect as an introvert. LinkedIn and Facebook can feel like high school popularity contests. Meetups can be overwhelming.

What can you do if you’re shy about sharing yourself?

There are plenty of books and blogs about social networking, because success and happiness often depends on who you know and who knows you.

“Sell yourself!” “Brand yourself!” “Attend as many events as you can!” “Talk to people in the elevator!” Right.

Most of the networking tips I’ve read seem to be for extroverts who don’t find it hard to talk to strangers.

Me, I hate starting conversations. I find it hard to make small talk. I’m often too shy to reach out. Following up with people takes effort.

Sounds familiar? Ever felt that way too?

Here are seven things I’ve learned about connecting. I hope these tips will help you play to your strengths…

… because those characteristics of yours are strengths.

Tip 1: Being an introvert is okay.

You don’t need to fake being extroverted. You don’t need to be a glad-handing, business-card-throwing networker.

Go ahead. Listen and ask questions during conversations. Give yourself quiet time to recharge. Connect online if you want.

Figure out what works for you.

For me, blogging often works out better than going to events. Now I know that, it’s easier for me to say, “No, I’m planning to stay home.”

Tip 2: Give people reasons to talk to you.

Most people find it hard to start a conversation, too. Do them a favour and give them excuses to talk to you.

An interesting hat makes you easy to find in a crowd. Accessories with character can draw remarks. Keywords on your nametag lead to conversation.

My favourite? Giving a presentation. Talking to a hundred people is easier than talking to two. You can rehearse, and you reach more people.

See someone who looks even more uncomfortable than you? Reach out and start the conversation. You’re surrounded by reasons to talk.

Tip 3: Change your perspective.

It’s not about selling yourself. It’s not about marketing your personal brand. It’s not about figuring out what other people can do for you.

Focus on what can help other people be happier and more successful. Ask questions. Explore.

Focusing the spotlight to the other person means less anxiety. It’s easy to get to know people when you’re focused on them, not you.

Tip 4: Look for ways to help.

While you’re listening, think: What do you know? Who do you know? How can you help?

Have you read a book they might like? Have you talked to someone they should meet? Do you have an interesting idea that can save them time?

Even if you can’t help right away, if you remember what they need, you may be able to connect the dots later.

Tip 5: Give yourself homework.

Following up with someone is easier when you’ve promised to send them a link or introduce them to someone else who can help.

That’s why you should always carry something you can use to take notes. Why worry about forgetting, when you can write things down?

Tip 6: Make it easy to get to know you.

So you’ve met someone, learned about their interests, and followed up. How do you build the connection from there?

Even if you don’t like talking about yourself, you can make it easier for other people to get to know you.

Share your interests, skills, and goals. The more people know about what you can do, the more you can find opportunities to help them.

A website or profile is a good way to start. Link to it in your e-mail signature and put it on your business card.

A blog is even better. If you share tips, ideas, and a bit of a personal touch, people might even subscribe and get to know you over time.

They might even help you grow! =)

Tip 7: Keep growing, and your network will grow with you.

As you develop your passions, improve your skills, and grow your network, you’ll be able to create more value—and more, and more, and more.

The more you understand your passions, the easier it is to communicate.

The more you improve your skills, the more you can help others.

The more people you know, the more introductions and connections you can make.

If you share what you’re learning with people, your network can grow along with you.

Then you won’t have to fake being an extrovert or drain yourself of energy–people and opportunities will flow to you.

Which of these tips would you like to focus on, practice, and learn more about? How can I help you explore your networking potential?

—-

Paragraphs as short as these still feel staccato. I wonder how to be concise and yet conversational… Should I relax this constraint? =)

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Upcoming talk: The Shy Connector

Online conversations can be more powerful than offline ones. Here’s why I think so.

In person, you start with people, and you look for common topics. Conversation participants all see each other. The possibilities are limited to who’s there and what you can discover in time.

Online, start with the topic you’re interested in. You find people, and people find you. The conversation goes on, asynchronously, for weeks, months, years.

I rarely talk to just one person about something. Most of the time, other people are interested. These people may have never met. The conversation brings them together. We learn even more.

I rarely talk to just people I know. Often, someone de-lurks and joins the conversation. People come in through searches or links. The conversation is much more open, more far-reaching.

This makes for interesting conversations. Amorphous, because I don’t know who’ll be in it or when it will end. Serendipitous, because we make unexpected connections. Efficient, because sharing serves many.

Do your online conversations look like this? How can you take advantage of being online? How can we translate these strengths into the offline world?

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Offline and online conversations

… Contacts are of very limited value in this changing world — the name of the game is how to participate in knowledge flows.

… Large contact databases don’t particularly help in this quest and, in fact, can subvert our efforts to build the kinds of relationships that matter the most.

… Accessing tacit knowledge requires a learning disposition and an ability to attract, rather than simply reaching out.

… This often requires discussing publicly the issues you are wrestling with so others can become aware of them and seek you out if they are confronting similar issues. This can be very uncomfortable for most of us, because we are reluctant to expose provisional ideas and acknowledge that we are struggling with developing those ideas.

… Do you engage in these types of practices? What lessons have you learned in terms of being more effective at accessing tacit knowledge? What could your company do to encourage and support these kinds of practices?

John agel and John Seely Brown, Networking Reconsidered

Tacit knowledge: what we know but have not yet captured.

I think a lot about tacit knowledge, both sharing and receiving.

I need to share. I can’t help but share. I find meaning and passion in the act of sharing what I know and what I am learning. I work on converting tacit into explicit knowledge by writing things down and sharing them as widely as possible–usually, on this blog. I map my thoughts so that I can see an overview and find gaps. I write, I sketch, I speak. To speed things up, I’ve offered to mentor people. Questions help me access tacit knowledge. Other people’s perspectives help me learn even more.

It takes a village to raise a child, and the Internet is my village. Where there are gaps—the challenges I’m figuring out, the questions I haven’t even formulated yet, the things you can’t find on Google or in books—people step forward and share what they’ve learned. People are generous with their insights. Strangers pass through; some stay, become friends, move on. I remember the IBM ad of all those people teaching a boy, a metaphor for Linux. When I saw that ad, I thought: that is me as well.

Why does this work? Reciprocity? The serendipity of search engines and random connections? The asymmetry of communication? Reciprocity perhaps explains why people who have learned something from me—or from their own mentors—take the time to share their insights. Search engines mean that the knowledge flow doesn’t disappear with the end of a conversation or the geographic limits of physical interaction. Asymmetry means the network isn’t limited by my energy or courage.

I read a lot. I’ve read many, many books on networking. Inspired by those books, I used to set networking goals for myself. 300 “active” contacts that I’ve reached out to in the last six months, and so on. Now I don’t count. I just share.

I have not yet read a book that made sense of this new way of relating. We do something today that could not be done easily in the past. Not with this scale, not with this reach. There are many like me, and tools make our world even more densely connected.

There could be more. I need to find out what I’m doing right so that I can help others learn. I want to find out what we could do even better.

What are the key points of difference?

• Motivation: I’m strongly motivated by gratitude and possibility: gratitude for what I’ve learned from others, and the possibilities of what we can do if I can help other people build on the foundations of what I’m learning.
• Focus on creating value: I give first and freely. I’m more interested in how I can help other people than how they can help me. My own goals are straightforward and take time. Helping other people lets me learn more and get even more value out of my experiences.
• Value: At work, I create value based on my adaptability, my workflow, and my network. None of these derive power from scarcity of information. In fact, the more I share, the better things get.
• Tools: I focus on tools that scale easily. Writing is searchable. Sketches are quick and expressive. Recorded presentations and slides can be engaging.

How can I connect with people who are learning about sharing and help them share more effectively?

How can I connect with people who are curious about sharing and help them learn more?

(Hat-tip to Aneel Lakhani for sharing the link on Twitter!)

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Accessing tacit knowledge and building pathways for two-way learning

Would you be willing to describe in more detail how those relationships came to be, and how you’ve gone about fostering them?  Do you have any advice for someone looking for a mentor?

Duncan Mortimer

I don’t ask people, “Will you be my mentor?” People come forward when the time is right. So if you’re too shy to ask someone to mentor you, there’s hope! But you have to give them other reasons to step forward and care, and asking for help still helps.

How did I find my mentors? A university relations manager gave me advice on my thesis and on the company. I borrowed his books. He read my blog. I met an independent tech consultant at Toastmasters. I bumped into him again at tango. He joined my tea parties and talked to me about entrepreneurship. I tweeted about taking care of a stray cat. A friend offered a litter box. We chatted about business and life.

All my other mentoring relationships grew out of similar self-selected connections. I found my mentors through the questions I asked, the ideas I shared, and the relationships that grew from there.

What sparks that initial connection? Maybe it’s my passion. Maybe it’s the questions I ask. Maybe it’s the urge to share. The blog helps build those potential relationships to the point where people care enough about helping me grow that they’ll volunteer their insights. They can see my enthusiasm, what I want to do, and how they can help. I become a way for them to share what they’ve learned and make a bigger difference.

How do these mentoring relationships work? Mostly asynchronously, like much of my connecting. I like thinking things through by myself, and I’m comfortable sharing most of my thoughts on my blog. My mentors often read my blog, and they occasionally comment or bring it up during a discussion. It’s a great way to learn more. I read their blogs too, and I comment or mention it if I come across something that nudges my mind.

Many of my friendships are like that. We don’t get together often, but we’re peripherally aware of each other, and I consider them friends. Likewise, I don’t check in with all of my mentors regularly (hi Bernie!), but I continue to learn from what they share and feel grateful for their insights.

I seek out my mentors when I come across specific ideas I know they’ll want to explore too, or when the topic requires specific contextual knowledge not appropriate for the blog.

I also have regular chats set up with some of my mentors. I enjoy bringing people together over tea and biscuits, and I try to set those up often as well. I particularly like it when I can bring several mentors together with other friends. The conversations are fascinating, and I end up filling pages of notes.

Now my mentors introduce me to other people who are learning what I’m learning or who are interested in my passions, which makes the conversation even richer!

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

How I find and learn from mentors

I want to not only to improve my networking capabilities, but to build this knowledge into the organization so that it transcends me. This reduces my direct influence, but strengthens the organization and makes more things possible. Improving the connective tissue in organizations increases efficiency, effectiveness, and happiness. A fully-connected organization allows people to bring together the best talent and the best resources no matter where they are, and it enables people everywhere to develop their full potential.

Little steps matter. Relentless improvement matters. How can I help make that happen?

• I can teach the processes I use to find experts and resources. This enables more people to do what I do, and provides a platform that people can build on.
• I can map the different communities, groups, and people for the subjects people often ask me about. Making the map visible brings people together.
• I can cultivate communities and make them the go-to point for requests. Communities can reach a lot more people, bring in fresh talent, and form more connections. Vibrant communities also mean that individuals aren’t points of failure in the network.
• I can provide feedback to our toolmakers and cultural influencers. Again, the more things we build into the framework, the easier it will be for more people to make things happen.

It may seem counter-intuitive to spread valued skills, especially if the organizational model is that knowledge is power and scarcity creates job security, but I need to create exponential value. Instead of accumulating and holding skills close, I want to push as much value as I can into the structure and into other people. I want to braindump everything I’ve learned and am learning, opening it all up so that other people can take the next step.

I want to see this smarter, truly globally-integrated workplace become reality. I need to help lots of people know more than what I know and do more than what I do.

I can help make that happen from where I stand and with the levers I have (and build). I’ll get even better as I learn more about different parts of the organization, respond to more requests, and find ways to align my work even better with the organization’s strategies. What we learn here can help other organizations and networks, too.

It’s a worthwhile goal. I’m looking forward to seeing how the adventure will unfold!

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Thinking about improving the connective tissue of organizations

I get a warm and fuzzy feeling whenever I think of CUE. They’ve created
some of my favourite systems in IBM–social tools that have transformed
the way I experience work. Their questions and analyses help us explore
the effects of social computing and collaboration in the enterprise. And
they’re wonderful people, too.

I first got to meet them after convincing my research supervisor that
the graduate research I was doing at the University of Toronto would
benefit from a face-to-face meeting with the authors of the major papers
in my area of study. They could point me to interesting questions and
resources. Although travel funds were limited (aren’t they always?), I
finagled approval after showing that I could stay with a family friend
and taking public transportation. Taking a page out of my sister’s
playbook (and borrowing her “secret recipe”, too), I baked oatmeal
cookies for gifts.

Meeting the researchers in person was my first experience of how
powerful the social intranet could be. I felt I already knew them
because of their blog posts and papers. After a quick look at my
bookmarks and blog posts, they knew me too. Conversation was
surprisingly easy.

I kept in touch with the Cambridge lab as I continued to explore my
thesis topic. As an avid user of the social networking tools within IBM,
I was frequently involved in their studies. They published papers that I
cited, and commented on my blog posts with additional resources I should
check out. I flew down to speak at one of their get-togethers and learn
from the other sessions there. I was just dipping my toes in with my
research. It was fascinating to learn from people who were immersed in
the field. Through IBM’s Web 2.0 tools, I got to know them further, and
I also connected with lots of people all over the world.

That’s what made a real difference for me. I got to see a side of IBM
that few other graduate students or interns experienced. I met all these
amazing people throughout the organization. I learned so much from them,
and I was surprised to find that they were learning from me as well.

I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather work or anyone else I’d
rather work with. I joined IBM’s application development and consulting
group in October 2007.

A year later, I visited the Cambridge lab again–this time as an
IT specialist facilitating a workshop on Generation Y. I made sure my
trip included an extra day for just meeting up with people, and I asked
one of my mentors to help me figure out how to make the most of that
day. He did more than that. He orchestrated this amazing insight-packed
day of meetings with different researchers who were passionate about
social networking and collaboration. An entire day! I felt like a
visiting dignitary instead of a newbie who was just starting out in the
organization. =) I took as many notes as I could, and I wished I could
make even better use of the ideas they shared.

I even got to sit in one of the research group meetings as they bounced
ideas around for the next year. I brought oatmeal cookies. When he saw
the cookies, the research group leader smiled and said it was just like
before. I had brought cookies when I visited them as a student shortly
after starting my thesis. Even though it was a small gesture, he
remembered it. That made me smile.

Later that day, I was walking through the corridors with the mentor
who’d arranged all of those meetings. He pointed out someone we’d just
passed, and whispered that that was Benoit Mandelbrot. It took me a lot
of resolve not to fangirl then and there. I nearly turned around and
asked for an autograph. I had been fascinated by fractals in high
school, and there was the person who’d kicked it all off. Isn’t it
amazing, the kind of talent the world has?

Not all of us will invent new fields or open vast new vistas of
knowledge, but we’re all working on making the world a little better.
I’m deeply appreciative of the researchers at Cambridge and my other
colleagues around the world. They ask interesting questions. They build
our knowledge of how the world not only works, but how it _can_ work.
And they’re willing to reach out and take the time to help this novice
learn as much as she can from as many people as she can… Isn’t that
amazing?

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that I’ve only been at IBM for two years,
officially. I’ve been on the network for four years. I feel at home in
our communities and on our networks. It’s also hard to believe that this
is really only my third year of “real” work experience: one year as a
teacher, and now two years at IBM. There are many, many things I’m
figuring out for the first time. But the social networks I can reach are
disproportionately bigger than my tenure, and the insights and
opportunities that people have shared with me mean that I sometimes now
find myself with the answers to questions people ask.

What amazes me most about all of this is:

If I can connect like this, work like this, and love like this even as a
recent hire who’s figuring lots of things out, imagine what else is
possible. Imagine what I could do ten years from now. Imagine what more
experienced people could do right now. Imagine what new hires could do
if they got off to an even faster start. Imagine what the enterprise
could do if this was part of the culture.

I sometimes wonder why people are so generous with their insights and
energy, why they share so much with me. Perhaps part of it is paying
their own mentors back. Perhaps part of it is that my questions help
them further understand their answers. And perhaps part of it is that I
help them see the difference they’ve made and imagine the future they’re
helping create.

This is a future worth building, and I can’t wait to see what we can do
next.

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Cambridge stories from the past and future

It starts innocently enough.

If this has ever made you feel suffocated, exhausted, and in dire need of some alone time, you might be an introvert.

I know it’s difficult to say no to opportunities. I’ve accepted too many invitations and tried to attend too many events. Last year’s conference season was particularly stressful. The first week, I was in New York for the Best Practices Conference, giving a presentation on blogging. The second week, I was at the even bigger Technical Leadership Exchange in Florida, giving a presentation on Generation Y. By the time I got to the Web 2.0 Summit (which I was helping organize), I was ready to hide. (And I did, behind the podium.)

As much as I enjoy learning from people in conversations and conferences, needing to be “on” all the time is incredibly draining. I’m learning how to manage my schedule and how to say no.

It’s important to figure out what works for you. For example, I don’t want to be out late two nights in a row. In fact, I’d rather not be out late at all. This means that before I accept an invitation, I look at my schedule for that time and my schedule for the week, making sure that I’m not trying to pack too much in.

In addition to getting better at saying no, I’m also getting better at scheduling time for myself. I’ve blocked off time on my calendar for planning, working on important tasks, and responding to mail. Sometimes people still schedule meetings during those times, but in general, I can be sure that my day won’t be full of conference calls. I sometimes block off time during evenings and weekends for particular projects, too. If I’m going to travel for a workshop or a presentation, I want to have a quiet week before and after the trip, and I plan accordingly.

Does this limit opportunities compared to extroverts who are out there schmoozing? Maybe. But I’ve tried running in extrovert mode for extended periods of time, and I can’t do my best if I feel like I’m coming apart. Besides, the things I do in my quiet time—read, write, reflect—also help me connect with people, although in a more introvert-friendly way. It’s better to work with the grain instead of against it.

It’s important to make time to breathe. If you find yourself running ragged because you feel that you have to say yes to everything, stop and slow down. Schedule introvert dates with yourself. Make time for breaks. Say no. You’ll find that the quiet time you give yourself will make it even easier to connect with people when you do, because you’ll be happier and better rested.

What can you do to free up some time for yourself?

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

The shy connector’s schedule: making time to breathe

Public speaking and presentation skills

1. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/11/11/how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-the-webinar-part-1-front-row-seats/
2. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/11/12/how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-the-webinar-part-2-from-audience-to-participants/
3. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/11/13/how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-the-webinar-part-3-reading-the-room/
4. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/10/14/7-tips-for-remote-presentations-that-rock/
5. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/06/24/notes-from-totally-rocking-presentations-at-ibm/
6. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/10/09/public-speaker-worried-about-losing-control-dont-have-lectures-have-conversations/ or http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/08/14/from-presentations-to-conversations/
7. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/03/29/virtual-conferences-change-the-game/
8. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/03/02/want-to-grow-as-a-speaker-look-for-inspiration/
9. http://sachachua.com/wp/2008/08/04/finding-something-worth-talking-about/
10. http://sachachua.com/wp/2008/06/12/how-to-scale-presentations-up-or-down-the-art-of-timing/
11. http://sachachua.com/wp/2008/05/28/dealing-with-stage-fright/

The particular quirks I bring to this are:

• I link presenting with blogging and connecting, which is a particularly good combination for introverts
• I’m comfortable giving virtual presentations
• I love thinking about presentation organization
• I love flipping the dynamic for presentations (not just “speaker as expert”)
• I like sketching, and that’s become part of my style

I can create value by:

• helping other introverts and novice speakers identify their core passions through blogging/writing, and develop presentations around those topics
• helping speakers make the most of virtual presentations
• sketching explanations for other topics, and helping build a visual library of metaphors and examples

Connecting / networking

1. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/08/11/the-shy-connector-thinking-out-loud/
2. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/03/19/networking-outside-the-firewall/
3. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/03/10/making-a-name-for-yourself-thinking-out-loud-about-my-talk/
4. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/01/27/braindump-of-conference-networking-tips/
5. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/10/05/how-do-you-keep-in-touch-with-500-contacts/
6. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/08/26/exercising-my-network/
7. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/08/19/social-media-has-made-small-talk-easier/
8. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/02/04/conversations-about-networking-scale-structure-and-skills/
9. http://sachachua.com/wp/2008/12/07/lets-talk-about-passion/
10. http://sachachua.com/wp/2008/05/25/thinking-out-loud-taking-it-offonline/
11. http://sachachua.com/wp/2008/02/29/why-democamp-is-one-of-my-favorite-networking-events/
12. http://sachachua.com/wp/2006/09/29/networking-create-value-with-your-business-cards/
13. http://sachachua.com/wp/2006/09/28/conference-commando-networking-with-nametags/

The particular quirks I bring to this are:

• I’ve figured out a lot about how I can connect as an introvert (speaking, social media)
• I’m a geek, and I tweak my system

I can create value by:

• sharing tips for other introverts
• sharing tips on connecting through writing, speaking, and using social media
• connecting the dots

Productivity

1. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/03/24/how-to-do-a-lot/
2. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/03/21/five-reasons-why-im-experimenting-with-outsourcing-to-virtual-assistants/
3. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/06/22/log-your-accomplishments/
4. http://sachachua.com/wp/2009/01/15/travel-tips/

The particular quirks I bring to this are:

• I’m comfortable delegating tasks and projects, and I’m learning more about that
• I enjoy practicing relentless improvement

I can create value by:

• Sharing tips for personal delegation
• Sharing my process improvements and ideas

Looking at these lists, I think I’ll be able to create the most value by making presentations (and writing accompanying articles) about presenting and connecting. Presentations spread much faster than blog posts and they also help me practice visual communication, so my output will probably focus on that. Blogging is a great way for me to think through the topic out loud, organize my thoughts, and figure out what should go into the presentation. Editing can help me pick out the key messages for the different topics, express them more vividly, figure out what’s missing or redundant, and improve the presentation flow.

Although virtual presentation skills meet a timely need at work, the Shy Connector series and other networking tips would benefit a wider audience. I want to make a set of presentations and blog posts that can help introverts and extroverted newbies make the most of conferences, blogging, and other ways to connect.

Okay! Next step: get in touch with potential editors, explain my goals, and do a trial run of reviewing/revising one major post each.

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Reflecting on how I can create value

I don’t. Remember that bit about being a shy connector? I’m still working on becoming more comfortable with pinging people out of the blue.

In general, I make it easy for people to keep up to date with me through my blog and FB updates, so I’m not limited by my courage in reaching out to people. I also look for excuses to exercise my network. I take notes, too.

Don’t worry about the numbers. Focus on creating value and helping others.

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

How do you keep in touch with 500+ contacts?

Sarah told us stories about her failures and what she’d learned along the way, particularly the importance of talking to potential users and reaching out to the community. Her tips for engaging with the community were:

• Amazingness. Provide value. Don’t focus exclusively on What’s In It For Me. Be worth talking about. The best way to achieve success is to enable someone else’s.
• Accessibility. Respond in a timely manner. Don’t ignore reactions, whether positive or negative. The worst thing you can do when people criticize you is to ignore it. Be open. Share the facts.
• Authenticity. Provide as much information as you can. Be real, be transparent, be honest, and be yourself. Be patient when answering questions. Privacy really is dead, so get used to it.

Here are other tips she shared:

• Release early, release often. Don’t worry about making things perfect. Worry about making people care. Just push things out. If they hate it, they’ll tell you why they hate it. If they love it, great. It’s indifference that sucks.
• Be entrenched in the community. Talk to people. Listen. Do your homework. Do the legwork.
• Twitter is a great backchannel that can add a lot of value to conferences and conversations. If you’re not on Twitter yet, you should at least read it when you go to a conference, and follow what interesting people are saying. Otherwise, you’ll miss out on half the conversation.
• Twitter helps connect with the community. Twitter accounts for far more of their site visits than either Google or direct traffic.
• Make sure you activate your network. Collecting business cards is not networking. Adding people to LinkedIn is not networking. Act onyour network. Find ways to reconnect and be relevant. Meaningfully reach out. She mentioned a new habit she’s working on: revitalizing her network by stacking up business cards in front of her, randomly picking five people, and consciously looking for ways to reach out and help that person succeed.
• Entrepreneurship is stressful but fun. The last year has been the most stressful and the most fun for her.

Here are some notes from the Q&A:

• What’s your business model? Ad-supported freemium.
• Aside from the aforementioned stack of business cards, how do you keep track of your contacts? New startups like CloudContacts, NetworkHippo are interesting. (Sacha’s note: Gist is another social aggregator, too. It’s pretty darn awesome.)
• How do you scale accessibility? Hopes that as usage scales, revenue scales, too.
• Who built your site? Internally developed. One rockstar doing Ruby, a total team size of three. Shout-out to Jet Cooper team for the design.
• What tips would you give new entrepreneurs?
  1. Do it. If you have a fabulous idea, do it. Talking about it at dinner parties is not doing it. Researching is not doing it. Do it.
  2. Solicit feedback. Get feedback not only from people who’ll be nice to you, but people who’ll tell it like it is. Talk to your potential users. Push beyond the fluffy responses. Ask for specifics.
  3. Find a way to grow organically, or find the money to do it. Don’t worry too much about equity. Don’t be afraid of investors. Don’t do things in isolation.
• What key trends are you seeing? Mobile applications, geolocation, better filters. Also general trends like green.
• What was your biggest obstacle? Not engaging the network enough. Either that, or ego. No, network. You have no idea who’s going to be the key person in your network, so just connect with people.
• How do you know where to go for funding? Again, network. Ask startups who’ve been funded by investors; they’ll have insights. Techvibes.com lists startups.
• How does the amount of sleep you get compare to when you were a teenager? Used to be a big sleeper as a teenager. Now is usually thrown off by jet lag, etc.

Toronto Girl Geek Dinners is giving away one free pass for people who would like to attend the Mesh Marketing event. Tweet @s_moore with the answer to the question of why it would be awesome for a girl geek to go to the event, and the most creative answer will get a free pass. More details about that and upcoming events at .

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Entrepreneurship tips from Sarah Prevette (Sprouter) at the Toronto Girl Geek Dinner

First: I’m horrible at matching names to faces out of the blue. I compensate for this by glossing over it and smiling back in a friendly manner when someone smiles at me. If I’m lucky, people will give me enough tactful cues to remind me who they are in conversation. A name, an e-mail address, a particular characteristic – that’s usually enough to trigger my associative memory, which is strongly verbal instead of visual. Once I know who someone is, then it’s easy to access lots of other things I know about them, and people have complimented me on my ability to remember little things about people. But that initial link can be difficult, which is why I like interacting with people online where their names are associated with their words and I can look up people’s records in my database.

I occasionally feel quite anxious about this (especially when people put me on the spot), but I wonder what would happen if I simply accepted that and worked with it. I like how my mom handled it whenever I invited my friends over. She used to tell my friends that she’s likely to forget people’s names, so that’s the reason why I keep reintroducing people to her. And I would do so, reintroducing even friends who’d been there again and again, until my mom laughed and referred to them by name. If I can find a way to explain to people that I draw a blank on names a lot, while making it clear that it’s me, not them, that would be cool.

Also, I’m working on this by sharing my stories, asking more people to never put people on the spot like that, and avoiding doing so myself. If you think someone might have forgotten your name, reintroduce yourself instead of embarrassing the other person. I also like including memory-joggers into the conversation, so that helps.

Second: I’m a little people-blind when it comes to slurping information. I remember concepts more than I remember authors, plot lines more than I remember actors, and posts and ideas more than I remember bloggers. I sometimes find it hard to figure out names that are out of context. I suspect I tend to skip past people’s pictures, too.

Maybe if I slow down a little, some more of that will stick in my head, and I’ll gain a peripheral understanding of what people are up to. I could also apply a tip I picked up today, which is to look for web traces for random people. Hmm, I think I can make a virtual assistance process for that…

Third: I’m good at connecting the dots. I may not be good at matching faces to names, but once I know who people are, I enjoy asking questions to find out what they’re passionate about, and I don’t hesitate to drag people across the room to introduce them to people they should get to know. I’m good at remembering things people might have in common with other people. I’m working on getting better at that by taking notes, and I can get even better when I find or make a personal social aggregator and search engine.

It’s important to play to your strengths and work around your weaknesses. Real-life events can be tough for me, particularly if people don’t have nametags. There are a whole lot of people at work and elsewhere whom I should know, but don’t really. Heck, my memories of high school and college classmates are quite fuzzy. But I like connecting the dots. I get a kick out of doing so, and I love creating value that way. I’m good at that, and I’m good at supporting that with tools.

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Working around networking weaknesses and playing to strengths

That got me to thinking: What else do you want a shy connector’s take on? What other tips can I help put together?

Off the top of my head, I can imagine:

• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Conferences
• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Public Speaking
• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Personal Branding
• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Leadership
• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Work
• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Relationships
• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Leverage
• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Blogging
• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Twitter
• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Social Networks
• The Shy Connector’s Guide to Books and Resources
• … what else?

It would be fun to think about how introverts like me–like us?–can use natural inclinations, emerging trends, and new tools to connect without being fake. Lots of stick figures and stories will help keep things real.

I don’t know all of this stuff yet, but maybe we can explore this together!

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Expanding on The Shy Connector: What do you want to see next?

How do you keep in touch while keeping it real?

I’ve read a lot of books about networking, and I don’t quite feel comfortable with what they suggest. Like many people, I think of successful networkers as those glad-handing salespeople and politicians who are always calling people up, having lunch with them, sending cards, or otherwise keeping in touch. The prospect of doing likewise scares the heck out of me. I hate interrupting people by calling them. I hesitate to send e-mail updates because (a) people’s inboxes overflow, and (b) I sometimes get dinged because I’m “not personal enough” (although I’ve come to realize it’s mostly a matter of perspective). I’ve been working on keeping track of birthdays, but I haven’t quite gotten to the point of making people feel all warm and fuzzy.

And yet, somehow, people have called me a connector so often that I’ve come to believe it a bit myself. I’ve had the pleasure of learning from a great many people. I enjoy being able to connect the dots. I like remembering little things about people and referring to those things after most people would have forgotten. (I think that’s driven by my love of in-jokes and play.)

There are two ideas that make it easier for me to keep in touch, and maybe they can help you too.

Asynchronous, asymmetric communication: By this, I mean blog posts, tweets, social network updates, and all these other tools we use to share bits of our lives with others. It’s asynchronous because you can post or read when convenient for you, and others can post or read when convenient for them. It’s asymmetric because unlike e-mail, you don’t have to decide whom to direct something to, and they don’t have to wait for you to decide to reach out to them. This works well for me because I don’t feel comfortable sending specific people updates, but I’m fine with posting things where people could read them if they wanted to. That neatly sidesteps the possibility of rejection. I don’t have to e-mail someone and worry if I’m being a burden. It’s their choice to read, and they can unsubscribe whenever they want.

So it flips around this idea of keeping in touch. I make it easy for people to keep in touch with me. Through other people’s blogs and tweets, I keep in touch with them, but from a safe distance.

Asking and giving: I love learning and I love helping people figure things out. That gives me opportunities to reach out and connect with other people who can teach me more, learn from what I’ve learned, help someone I’m helping, or benefit from meeting the person I’m helping. I get great return on experience because I can share what I’ve learned with lots of people. The more I learn about people’s interests and quirks, the better I get at finding people and making those connections. For example, if I come home from a conference with a stack of business cards, I find it much easier to develop relationships with people about whom I know specific needs or interests than with people for whom I only have contact information. Then it becomes a game: can I help a person find someone who can help make something happen, or who might know people who can? Every request and every connection lets me know more about people, which makes it easier for me to make connections in the future.

Networks are like muscles. The more you exercise them, the stronger they get. (Although networks are more like neurons than they are like muscles, because muscles get stronger because you damage the fibers, while neurons strengthen synapses with use…</tangent>)

Tools do a good job of supporting my way of connecting. Blogs and other social networking tools let me share my thoughts and “scale up”. The Emacs Big Brother Database I use to keep semi-structured notes on people (and I’ve been kidded about this before ) helps me remember those little things about people: what they’re interested in, what they like, and so on. I’m good at remembering details for weeks and maybe even months, but I write as much as I can down because it’s frustrating to have a possible connection on the tip of my tongue and yet not be able to remember whom to reach out to.

So that’s how it all fits together, and that’s why I do what I do. I share both professional and personal stories on my blog because that makes it a great tool for connecting with people, and I work on my personal contact database because it helps me connect the dots.

Maybe geeks can be good connectors too, even though we approach the challenge differently. =)

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Exercising my network

My parents’ Facebook updates and forum posts provide fodder for weekly chats and let me keep up to date across timezones. I feel much more in touch with my friends who use social media, and we have plenty of things to talk about because I get a better picture of their interests. When we talk, we can jump past the “What did you do?” to “How did you feel about that?” I can find out when they’re having a bad day, what they care about, what they enjoy. And this works for people in the same city, too. Blogs, tweets, and other updates give me deeper insights into people than I could find out in five minutes or even an hour.

Social media lets us take conversational shortcuts. I might start telling a story that I’ve told on my blog, and the person I’m talking to says, “yeah, I’ve read that”–so then I skip past the introduction and go to the parts I hadn’t gotten around to writing down, or that I’m still figuring out. Sometimes I might tell a story in response to a question a friend asks, and then realize that was worth blogging about. There are always too many stories to write down, and conversation and interaction brings out even more.

I still organize get-togethers over tea, dinner, or Skype because I like seeing the interaction between my friends. But social media is what lets me develop good relationships with people I might not otherwise be able to keep in touch with as often, and I really like it.

So here’s what I think the trick is:

Get over that hitch. You know how you might feel disappointed/interrupted when someone says, “I’ve read that on your blog”? Practice your happy-do until your first reaction is “Awww, thanks for reading!” and then go on with asking people what they thought, or jumping to the part you really wanted to talk about. Make your conversations less about “What did you do this summer?” and more about “What did you like about it? What did you learn? How did that change you?” and other deeper questions. Even if you’ve already posted a long, thoughtful reflection on your blog, you’ll learn even more through the conversation, and through connecting it with other people’s experiences.

If you blog, there are a number of mental mind-shifts that are useful. That’s one of them. Another one is to get used to the idea that people may know more about you than you know about them, which is really weird at the beginning. People feel uncomfortable when other people have the edge in terms of knowledge. But you can flip that around, be flattered that someone’s taken the time to learn about you and keep up to date with you, and then use the conversation time to get to know about them.

Social media changes conversations, and I think that’s awesome.

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Social media changes real-life conversations

Planned talk / speaker notes:

The Shy Connector: How to get strangers to talk to you.

Hi, I’m Sacha Chua, and I’m an introvert. <clapping>

You might be, too. Do you prefer bookstores over bars? Puzzles more than parties? Close friends instead of crowds? If so, you might be an introvert.

It can be hard to connect as an introvert. LinkedIn and Facebook can feel like popularity contests. How many friends do you have? Should you say yes to invitations from strangers? Meetups can be overwhelming. So many choices to make, so many people to meet…

So what can you do if you’re shy?

There are plenty of books and blogs about social networking, because success and happiness often depend on whom you know and who knows you.

“Sell yourself!” “Brand yourself!” “Attend as many events as you can!” “Talk to people in the elevator!” they advise. Right.

Most of the networking tips I’ve read are geared toward extroverts who don’t need tips on how to talk to strangers.

Me, I hate starting conversations. I find it hard to make small talk. I’m too shy to reach out. Following up takes focused effort.
Sound familiar? Ever felt that way, too?

Here are seven things I’ve learned about connecting as an introvert. I hope these tips will help you play to your strengths.

Tip 1: It’s okay to be an introvert.

You don’t need to fake being extroverted. You don’t need to be a glad-handing, business-card-throwing networker in order to connect. Just listen and ask a few questions during conversations. Give yourself quiet time to recharge. Connect online if you feel more comfortable that way. Figure out what works for you.

For me, blogging often works out better than going to events. Now that I understand that about myself, it’s easier for me to say, “No, I’m planning to stay home” when faced with an invite. I’m much more comfortable blogging than partying, and I can share in a way I simply can’t do in person.

Tip 2: Change your perspective.

It’s not about selling yourself. It’s not about marketing your personal brand. It’s not about figuring out what other people can do for you. It’s about focusing on what you can do to help other people.

Focus on what can help other people be happier and more successful. Ask questions. Explore ideas.

Focusing the spotlight on the other person makes it easier to make conversation and get to know others.

Tip 3: Give people reasons to talk to you, both online and offline.

Most people find it hard to start a conversation, too. Do them a favour and give them an excuse to approach you.

An interesting hat makes you easy to find in a crowd. Accessories with character draw remarks. Keywords on your nametag lead to conversations.

Online? Share your interests and thoughts. People can find you through search engines and reach out to learn from you.

My favourite? Giving a presentation. Talking to a hundred people at once is easier than talking to two at a time because I can rehearse what I want to say. I reach way more people this way, and I don’t have to start any conversations!

Tip 4: Look for ways to help.

While you’re listening, think: What do I know? Who do I know? How can I help?

Have I read a book they might like? Have I talked to someone they should meet? Do I have an interesting idea that can save them time?

Even if you can’t help right away, if you make it a point to remember their need, you may be able to connect the dots later.

Tip 5: Give yourself homework.

Following up with someone is easier when you’ve promised to send them a link or introduce them to someone else who can help.

That’s why you should always carry something you can use to take notes. Why worry about forgetting when you can write things down?

Tip 6: Make it easy to get to know you.

So you’ve met someone, learned about their interests, and followed up. How do you build the connection from there?

Even if you don’t like talking about yourself, you can make it easier for other people to get to know you.

Share your interests, skills, and goals. The more people know about what you can do, the more you can find opportunities to help them.

A personal website or profile page is a good way to start. Link it in your e-mail signature and put it on your business card.

A blog is even better. If you share tips, ideas, and a bit of a personal touch, people might even subscribe and really get to know you over time. They might even help you grow! =)

Tip 7: Keep growing, and your network will grow with you.

As you develop your passions, improve your skills, and grow your network, you’ll be able to create more value — and more, and more, and more.

The more you understand your passions, the easier it is to communicate them.

The more you improve your skills, the more you can help others.

The more people you know, the more introductions and connections you can make.

If you share what you’re learning with people, your network can grow along with you.

Then you won’t have to fake being an extrovert or drain yourself of energy; people and opportunities will simply flow to you.

Which of these tips would you like to focus on, practice, and learn more about? How can I help you explore your networking potential?

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— From pre-presentation plans (August 11) —
These tips are slightly different from the presentation, but still have the same flavour. I love the insights people have shared in the comments. Feel free to check them out and add your own tips!
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I’m planning a presentation called “The Shy Connector: How to talk to strangers How to get strangers to talk to you”. I realized that most networking books focus on helping people act more extroverted, but I’ve found ways to use my introverted nature to connect with people.

Here are some of my weaknesses and how I’ve worked around them:

Here’s a rough list of the tips I plan to share:

1. Be yourself. You don’t have to be a fake extrovert. You don’t have to learn how to enjoy small talk or put on a new personality. You can use your characteristics as an introvert to connect with people, and you might even be able to connect with more people and at deeper levels than the popular kids in your high school would.

2. Reframe the situation. It’s not about selling yourself. It’s not about becoming popular. It’s about finding ways you can help other people, and it’s about learning more.

3. Give people reasons. If you hate talking to strangers because you’re afraid of those awkward moments when you’re both looking for reasons to talk, skip that by giving people reasons to talk to you. Me, I find it easier to present to a thousand people than to talk to a single person, because I can prepare for presentations (and it’s fun!). That gives people reasons to come up to me afterwards and start a conversation with me about something we’re both interested in. I also do quirky things: wear interesting hats, smile a lot, have an awesome business card–all of which have led to interesting conversations I didn’t start. Most people are just as scared of starting conversations as you are, so make it easy for them.

4. Help others. Treat conversations as learning opportunities. Find out what could help people become happier or more successful. What books or blog posts have you read that they might be interested in? What tools have you tried or heard of that might fit their needs? Even the act of asking questions helps people clarify their thoughts. You might not be able to help them right away, but you might meet someone else who can help, and then you can connect the dots. You’ll learn a whole lot in the process, too.

5. Look for homework. Following up is hard. I’ve come home from conferences with stacks of business cards that I didn’t know what to do with aside from sending a quick note about how nice it was to see people. It’s much easier to follow up with people and continue the conversation if you focused on helping people. If you follow up with an article someone is interested in or an introduction to another person who could help make things happen, your follow-up email or note has real value. Carry a notebook with a flap for business cards, a PDA, or some other note-taking device, and use it to keep track of your homework.

6. Build history. Extroverts have this easy. They’re out having coffee with their buddies or golfing with their bosses. If you’re anything like me, you have a hard enough time finding ways to comfortably hang out with your close friends, much less acquaintances. You need stories and shared experiences to deepen relationships, though. Build that history by making it easy for people to keep in touch with you. Me, I find it difficult to call people up or invite them to hang out, but I’m comfortable blogging. I might be too shy to reach out to people I’ve just met, but they can read my blog to learn more about who I am, and they can continue the conversation in the comments if they want to. If they blog, that gives me a way to get to know them too. Make it easy for people to keep in touch with you.

7. Practice. The more you listen, the more you think, the more you write, the more you speak, the more clearly you’ll know what you want to say and how you want to say it. It’s good for self-discovery, too. Listen to people and figure out what you resonate with and what you’re interested in. Try different ways of expressing your thoughts. Treat small talk as a game, and use it to develop your skill at asking questions and sharing what you think. Use it to try different techniques. When you’re not personally invested in it–when you’re not worrying that a conversational stumble is equal to personal rejection and failure–things become easier and almost fun.

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There’s something interesting in here that I’d like to figure out and share. Is there anything that particularly resonates with you? Is there anything you’d like to learn more about?

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

The shy connector

When it’s my job to organize an event, it drops in priority, I lose sight of it, and a monthly tea party becomes a quarterly tea party or worse. I would like to get better at this, and the fastest way that can get much better at this is to have someone else plan the event. Things I don’t like about organizing events:

• making sure everyone (including me!) has the right location and time
• coordinating RSVPs and following up with people
• making sure it’s on my calendar and that Io don’t have any conflicts
• keeping track of potluck contributions and dietary restrictions
• making sure there’s enough food
• reminding me a few days before the event and telling me how many people there are so I can go shopping for groceries,
• and maybe even suggesting some recipes to try.

There’s so much here I can delegate so that I can focus on the things I love:

• welcoming people into my home
• providing a space for great conversation
• providing lots of simple, yummy food
• shaping the conversation through questions, interest, introductions, stories, etc.
• connecting the dots between people, ideas, and tools

And I learn so much whenever I have one of these get-togethers that it’s worth learning more about how to scale up. =D

I shouldn’t let my idiosyncrasies get in the way of having great conversations. So I’m going to have an experiment — I’m going to see what it’s like to have a social secretary. =) It’ll be a learning experience for everyone, but I think it’ll be awesome!

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Delegating weaknesses; experimenting with social secretaries

Based on those numbers, I think I will not send an e-mail campaign out to my network. Yes, it will remind people I exist, but it will also cost people attention when they skip over it or when they unsubscribe.

So if I don’t feel comfortable using e-mail marketing, what else can I do? I can make weekly, monthly, and quarterly feeds easier to subscribe to. I can make it easy to subscribe to those feeds by e-mail. I can focus on creating lots of value so that people come across me and perhaps even subscribe to what I share. =)

Different strokes for different folks. That was a good experiment, though!

Post from: sacha chua :: enterprise 2.0 consultant, storyteller, geek. Check out my blog for tips on managing virtual assistants, Drupal, and other topics!

Thinking about those newsletters