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Why Love a Programmer?

Originally posted Aug 8, 2001 on the ph-ppl mailing list.
In response to "Never Love a Programmer" posted by Mario on the ph-ppl mailing list

This poem really needs editing.

Programmers in love are every bit as giddy
As actors and athletes - a love-sick li'l kiddy.
He'll woo you with flowers, he'll woo you with songs.
He'll even accept you - your rights and your wrongs.

You'll even find funny the way that he'll court you No tired cliches here - each statement's all new. He'll speak to you of love in the language he knows - In doubly-linked lists, in interrupts, in throws.

The older he gets, the more that he learns. The more that he learns, the higher he earns. In this tech-driven age, he knows all the tricks. Quite plainly the geeks are the most feasible picks.

But when was love ruled by the head, not the heart? Allow too your unruly emotions a part. Why choose a geek when you can land a jock? 'Cause geeks are quite sweet (once they're over the shock).

Geeks are bad liars; the computer can't tell. Your geek is sincere, meticulous and swell. Geeks are quite shy, so you have to be kind. And most geeks are looking for a girl with a mind.

The care and feeding of the geek that you've chosen Is a difficult matter even if you really know him. Your geek can misparse the simplest instructions, Unless precise, documented, and free of distractions.

The differences show when things settle down, When you're done with the honeymoon and are back in town. The settled down geek's not the same as the suitor. So _never_ get between him and computer.

When he collapses and complains of a bug in his code Be calm and comforting, and help him unload. Nod even though you don't have a clue. It'll take a little while before he knows what to do.

And don't complain if he's up every night. Got a lot of work to do, and got to do it right. See if you can help - some documentation? Testing, perhaps, and user evaluation?

You have to understand that work will come first More often than not - before hunger and thirst. You'll need to keep an eye out for your geek's own good, And let him beat you once in a while at Snood.

When you confide in him all your sorrows and woes, The wise girl remembers and the wise girl knows - A geek is used to solving problems with logic, Not offering sympathy (it's a bit of a trick).

Learn his language and he just might learn yours. If you find that quite hard, sign up for a course. When he doesn't understand, recast it in jargon; You'll see him light up (might even turn on).

If you irreconcilably differ on ideology (Like OS or editor or fav'rite methodology) Have at least two computers and quietly abide. Who knows? You may yet win him over to your side.

Geeks aren't for everyone - only the few Who can understand geeks (or even just try to). And even if they appear to just live by the book - You'll never lack excitement once you know where to look.

And what do you get at the end of all this? You'll be lucky if you get a hug or a kiss. Words are all a programmer's got, So if he says "Love ya", that means quite a lot.

Why choose a geek then, if it's such a rough ride? Why bother staying by a programmer's side? There's no real reason - it just goes to show We can't choose to love and we can't really know.

I'll take this occasion to explain where I am. I'm a simple geekette, and I don't need a man. I'm quite against commitment - but who can really say? Maybe I'll end up with a geek one fine far off day.

Biogenic Desires

I posted this on my Veranda site, which means I wrote it in high school. It's written from a guy's point of view.

The very nanosecond that you walked into my sight,
My neurons flashed like anything to see such bright a light. 
I felt a rush of adrenalin that steadied up my nerves
When I got a closer look at your Euclidean curves.
My feelings have undergone rapid exponentiation
You raised my life's equation to a higher degree.
I'd like to perform some experimentation
On our mutual chemistry.                     
I propose a companionship platonic,
But if you wish, tantric to a T.
Our bond could be more than just than ionic
If you've got some valence free.             
You must understand this isn't some psychosis
If I want you to participate in the process of meiosis
I'd like to contribute some of my deoxy-
Ribonucleic acid to your progeny.            
Do not subject me to ridicule,               
I have a higher motivation --                
The betterment of the gene pool,             
Faster progress to evolution!                
The human race must be propagated!           
The population, to add, must multiply.       
Gene coding must be disseminated --          
That's our duty - you and I!