Book reflection: Raising a Secure Child

Raising a Secure Child (Guilford Publications, 2017) is about reflecting on and working with the Circle of Security: how kids go out to explore and come back for comfort, and how we can support them both going and coming back. It reminds us to be bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind, and that children can’t figure out how to manage their emotions by themselves – they need us to help them.

Me, I’m working on helping A- feel that I delight in who she is, not just what she does. It’s easy to have fun paying attention to every little thing she learns, keeping track of them in my journal, but she’s more than the sum of those moments.

I also noticed that some of my internal pressure to get A- outside might come more from my need to be a good parent than what she needs at the moment. Being aware of that helped me slow down and appreciate what she wanted from time at home.

The book talks a lot about shark music, the fears and insecurities that get in our way as parents. I notice that I exert a little effort when supporting A-‘s exploration so that I don’t let my worries interfere with her, and I want to be careful not to make her feel I’m crowding her.

I’m definitely safety-sensitive in terms of relationships, and I can see why that’s the case. Knowing that, I can try to correct for my biases and work on connecting better. I might not be as comfortable with anger as I could be, and that’s worth working on too. I’m okay handling A-‘s anger, although she rarely gets angry too.

I like the way the Being-With concept gives me more ways of thinking about supporting A- through challenging emotions. The sample dialogues were interesting.

I think I need to try the ideas from Raising a Secure Child for a while before I can get a sense of whom I might recommend the book to. It’s good food for thought, though.