Through the fear

I’m not afraid of heights, just falling. I _enjoy_ the challenge of
speaking in front of people or turning up in a room full of strangers.
But falling? Losing my balance or grip? Scares the heck out of me.

Precisely why I’m taking trapeze lessons, of course. Perched
precariously some six and a half feet above the ground, dangling
upside down and wondering if my grip’s about to give, resolutely
ignoring the pain shooting up from my blistered left hand, I can
_still_ focus and learn, and I _love_ that. It’s ever so satisfying to
feel that frisson of fear and _work through it anyway._

I love setting little goals for myself. Last Tuesday, it was being
able to hook my knees on the bar all by myself. We made slow progress
as I learned things piecemeal, but I did it. And I’m coming to love
failing, too, to love knowing that I have a lot to learn. Learning
means putting together all these things that you can’t quite describe,
you just have to _do_. When my toes don’t quite clear the bar or my
legs feel kinda wobbly, I love being able to take a step back in my
head and try to figure out what’s happening and what I want to happen.

Today I managed to hold the upside-down-legs-over-head position using
the lines. I also made it up to a sitting position! Next session, I
want to make it up there with very little assistance. I want to
smoothen my motions, too.

Plenty to learn, plenty to learn…