| reflection

I haven't been blogging lately. Things have been a bit confusing, but
I'm glad that I'm starting to sort things out. I'm looking forward to
the weekend. I plan to spend at least a day blissing out near some
lakeside park armed with a journal and my Moleskine, reflecting on
some knotty things. Then it's back to cramming my reading paper…

One of those knotty things hasn't really been mentioned in my blog,
aside from oblique references to forks (metaphorical) and
onions (literal). A friend reminded me that a lot of people care about what's going on in my life, though, so even though I try not to bore you with all the details of my almost-always-sunny life, here's one of the clouds.

For practical reasons, Dominique and I have decided to no longer be in
an exclusive relationship. I still hold the greatest respect for him
and I hope it'll work out in the future, but the timing sucks, and
there's nothing we can do about it.

I've learned that life is so much better when I'm in a good
relationship, or at least among good friends. I'm in no rush to get
into a crappy relationship, though. Having tasted what a wonderful,
wonderful thing love is, I won't lower my standards.

So what happens now?

Well, life goes on. My reading paper is due next week. My research
proceeds. My friends and family are there for me. Life goes on, and
spring brings the sun back.

In terms of people? I don't know. I really don't know. I don't have a
good idea of my future yet, so courtship is out of the question. I'm
not into dating for the sake of dating, and I'm accustomed to more
affection and love than most people know.

Perhaps this is a good opportunity, then, to shower that affection and
love on my friends. I am free, and I choose to remain free so that I
can be where I am needed and wanted, and where _I_ need and want to be.

When I miss the feeling of being very, very special to someone, I can
hug my stuffed toys and remember that I am at least a little bit
special to at least a few people.

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