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A+ is 8 years old. We're letting her be part of managing more things for her future self, like keeping track of when we're running low on her laundry or her favourite yogurt or toilet paper under the sink. She doesn't always get it right, but then again, even grown-ups have a hard time. She still sometimes melts down. Maybe I can break this down into subskills so that we can get better at them together.

• Anticipating: Noticing an opportunity is the first step. Predicting what might be helpful is another.
  • Plan out loud
  • Talk about future self
  • Walk through questions.
• Choosing your future self: Delayed gratification, investing in future
  • Talk about tradeoffs
  • Add more benefits
• Preparing: Cues & memory aids
  • Show us using lists, checklists, notes, cues
• Celebrating: Patting ourselves on the back helps reinforce the habit
  • "I'm glad we…"
  • catch her doing well
• Adapting: Sometimes we forget or things don't work out. What are we going to do now?
  • This is hard for A+ to do in the moment, but my staying calm will help, and experience helps too.
• Experimenting: Instead of blaming ourselves or blaming other people, it's more useful to treat it as a data point that can help us improve our processes.
  • Best done during a calm moment, maybe at the next opportunity

These things are challenging when we're dysregulated. We can grow together when things settle down.

There will be tons of opportunities to practice, and we can all grow.

One of the neat things about parenting is that I get to think about how to develop different skills. Today I want to think about planning ahead. I can see the beginnings of it developing in A+, like when she says, "I'm going to put on my boots before I put on my mittens because that's easier when you have fingers." I can see when it's more of a struggle, like when we've forgotten to bring the stuffed toy she wanted to take along and she's overwhelmed with frustration. I can draw parallels between that and the way I'm learning more about this skill myself, like when we use the Band-aids I've stashed in my emergency kit or when I've forgotten to pack lunch and have to find something that A+ will like within walking distance. Even grown-ups have a hard time with these skills. We've got plenty of examples around us of people working on improving that skill and people who struggle.

I like breaking skills down into smaller chunks so that they're easier to think about, practise, and learn. Breaking down the idea of looking ahead into anticipating, choosing your future self, preparing, celebrating, adapting, and experimenting makes more sense to me than treating it as one big lump. I want to think about these subskills in this blog post so that I can get better at them and so that we can swap notes.

The parts that are hardest for A+ at the moment are adapting and experimenting. That makes a lot of sense. That's when planning gets tested. That's when you get feedback from reality. That's difficult for lots of people, even grown-ups, and I have plenty to learn about those parts myself.

Here's a clip from my 2024-01-21 Yay Emacs livestream about my goals for Yay Emacs and the built-in payoffs that I think will help me keep doing it.

My peer group's not yet at the point of discussing maintenance meds, but they often discuss brain fog, fatigue, and strategies for dealing with perimenopause. Since I'll be turning 40 in a few months, I figured it would be a good idea to start anticipating some of the changes that come with age. If I look for ways to improve my systems, workflows, and habits, I might be able to age more gracefully. Here's are some age-related changes and quick thoughts about what I can do about them.

• Changing relationships, losing people: Throughout the years, I'll need to deal with the loss of people close to me, whether it's because of natural development (like A+ going off and living her own life), changing situations (drifting in and out of playgroups based on her interests), or old age and death. I can prepare for that by making the most of the time I do have with people, learning more life skills, staying engaged, and laying the groundwork for more relationships that might turn into old friendships.

  It's a little complicated because I think I'll continue to be cautious about spending a lot of time indoors around other people. Fortunately, there are a lot of outdoor socialization opportunities. Eventually, when A+'s off and doesn't want her mom hanging around when she's out with her friends, I can join some of the walking clubs out of the nearby park.

  I like the Emacs community, and I'm looking forward to maturing into some sort of community grandmother. I imagine it'll be mostly about oohing and aahing over people's cool projects and suggesting that they go talk to so-and-so who was curious about something similar.

• Brain fog, slower processing: I got a sneak preview of this during the early years of parenting, and I still have many days where I either feel slower or I don't have lots of focused time. I think dealing with this is about being kind to myself (since there's no point in wasting even more energy on beating myself up), managing my expectations, and managing my tasks so that when I do have some focused time, I can do whatever I needed to do at the time that it's good to do it.

  I've gotten a lot of use out of speed-reading, but in case that slows down, I can also get a lot from reading more slowly. I can take more sketchnotes and try to make more connections to other things I know.

  Summarization seems to be one of the things that current natural language processing systems are getting pretty good at, so that might also be useful.

• Fading memories: I hope habits of journaling, taking pictures, and drawing sketches will help me appreciate these moments that fill my years so that things don't feel like as much of a blur. Backups are important, of course. Also, converting thoughts and memories into a form that other people can bump into means that it's not limited to my brain: blog posts about things I've been learning, photo albums that A+ can flip through whenever she likes, things like that. Retrieving memories and organizing them into narratives/stories helps make sense of them too.
• Less working memory: Working memory is useful for being able to see the connections between things and solving problems quickly. I'm beginning to appreciate the difficulty of keeping lots of things in my head, especially when someone's trying to talk to me at the same time. That's cool. I can reduce multitasking and minimize commitments. I can refile information so that it's close to related information. I can chunk information differently and then spread them out side-by-side, like the way index cards and sketchnotes help me build up thoughts and Org Mode helps me compare shopping choices. External monitors help, and I can print things out if I need to. Remembrance agents might be able to suggest related things, too.
• Lower recall of words, details: It doesn't matter much if the memory is there, if I don't have a way of getting back to it. Stuff inside my brain is likely to get lost. Maintaining a centralized note-taking habit (especially if information is fragmented over different apps and devices) will probably help with this. Mnemonic techniques can help with making things more vivid. I hope that natural language search will be useful too, and I'm looking forward to seeing what large-language models for artificial intelligence can do when applied to personal datasets. Episodic search might become more viable, too, if I can use things I remember to narrow down where to find something. Recognition is easier than recall, so even having something suggest a few options might be enough to unstick my brain. If I take pictures or notes of where I've stored infrequently-used things, that might make searching easier too.

• Inattention: I occasionally get brain hiccups, and stress or low sleep makes it worse. Slowing down and not rushing helps. Processes, checklists, and repeating TODOs helps. Organizing our physical space so that there's a home for things helps when I'm on autopilot, although I still get attentional blips and put things in the wrong place. Keeping an oops fund helps.

  Cubing might be a way for me to track this. Sometimes I make a mistake and my solve time goes way up, so that's a way to check how often my attention wanders when I mean to be paying attention.

• Less energy: I'm becoming more protective of my sleep, and I've got a good mix of things I can do even when I have low energy. Walking is good, and I can ramp up to other forms of exercise slowly. There are lots of long-term hobbies I can enjoy well into old age, so there's plenty to explore.
• Hormonal disruption: I think this is mostly about getting a sense of what to expect, having good relationships with doctors and other health professionals, and being open to adapting my lifestyle as things change. My friends have mentioned a fair bit of sleep disruption, so that's probably something to watch out for too.
• Changing priorities and perspectives: This is one of the good benefits of all of this. Constraints make things clearer. Looking forward to growing wiser.

I'll also keep assistive technology in mind, since there are all sorts of interesting ways tech might be able to help with age-related cognitive or physical decline.

Going to happen anyway, if all goes well. Might as well have fun!

2021-12-20a Making the most of the moment #planning #kaizen

Building on yesterday's reflection on waste, I thought I'd think about how to make the most of the moment. There are some things that are easier now and harder later, so I should take advantage of the situation to prepare for what's next. There are some things that are harder now and easier later, so that's a good opportunity to stress-test systems and improve things when things are a little bit easier. There are things that are about the same. They've got to be done anyway, so I might as well figure out how to keep learning and growing through them.

What sorts of things are easier now and harder later? Well, the big one is spending time with the kiddo. Right now, she's really interested in spending time with us. We have lots of time together, and she actually wants to be with me. I know that this is not always going to be the case. So as a result, I should take advantage of this opportunity to be present and make memories and all those other good things, but also to personally enjoy it, to store up all those things that I'm going to fondly remember when she's having a teenage angsty meltdown. One of the ways that I can help myself remember these things is by keeping a journal, maybe taking pictures and videos if it doesn't get in the way of enjoying the time with her, and also investing the time to build the skills and patterns that will help us later on in life.

Something that's easier now and harder later: schooling. Right now, she's in senior kindergarten. That's the second year of kindergarten. Next year, she's going to be in grade one. That means that we've been able to get away with a very relaxed, play-based sort of learning. It's just essentially her learning whatever she wants to do and me writing it up nicely in an observation spreadsheet. I've been slowly learning how to guide her interests by leaving interesting things lying around and supporting her interests wherever they take us. Right now, it's puzzles, for example. Eventually, I'll probably need to learn how to give her a little bit more structure so that she practises things like writing, drawing, spelling, and so on. That's someday.

Another thing that's easy now is that partly because of where she is developmentally and partly because of COVID, we're focused on our own little world. She's quite happy playing with us. She's not that interested in online classes or hanging out with other people yet. So she's focused on us at the moment, and again, that's an opportunity to be present and make memories, and to build those patterns.

Definitely easier now, harder later: time with my husband. Parenting is a lot easier when you can take a break and know that someone else is going to be there, especially when the kiddo has decided that only Daddy will do or that Mama's the meanest person in the world. He's also really great at helping me keep perspective. For example, when the kiddo hands me something that I'm not entirely sure I should take at the moment because my hands are full or she wants to give me something random, he always reminds me that their world is so small and they want to give us whatever they can. So keeping those things in mind is helpful. Of course, the relationship is great, and I'm not going to have that forever. I want to make the most of it while it's there. Also, he has a lot of skills that I want to learn. So I can take advantage of this time to learn those skills, bring those perspectives into my head, and get through the harder parts of raising a kid. It's not always going to be like this, so it's great that he's around to help, and then eventually (probably) it'll get easier. It'll get harder first, probably, and then easier.

My mom is another example of something that's easier now, but I've got to start preparing for when it's going to be hard. She's the only one in the Philippines. None of my sisters are there either, so estate tax paperwork is going to be a big headache. If we can get some of the preparation sorted out, then that makes later much easier. There's also enjoying the time with her while we have her. So, maybe that involves recording some calls or finding other ways to talk about stories or remember things or make that connection.

And lastly, there's this big question mark around climate change and society. I think things are not super easy now, but they will probably get a lot harder later on, so if I can build skills, help us develop more resilience, and build resources, that might put us in a better position for when things get crazier.

On the flip side, there are some things that are harder now and easier later. As I mentioned, it's a good opportunity to stress-test the systems and processes. So for example, the kiddo really loves getting our attention. She wants to spend time with us, which is a little hard when it comes to focusing on my own things. But eventually she'll move towards independence. At the moment, I can just relish the time I have with her and put off whatever I can so that I can just not worry, not feel like I'm being pulled into different directions. Then I can try to just use those little moments.

That's a second challenge: fragmented time. Eventually I'll be able to sit down and focus on things. Right now, it's a little hard. But fortunately, that's kind of like a preview of later, much much later, when it will be hard to focus on things, so any note-taking habits and processes that I build now might be helpful later. So, build systems and tools.

My tech setup is not quite as awesome as it could be. Sometimes it takes too much setup time to go downstairs and plug into the external monitor, set up all the things that I want. Context-switching is friction. So I can use what I have and gradually build on that toolkit, learning different ways of using the things that I've got and then add more as I can.

COVID-19 pandemic: hard now, someday easier, maybe? It mostly means that we aren't relying on external resources. I can't take her to library story time or other things like that. There also supply chain issues to watch out for. Less socialization, can't really take her out to see friends. We could do some outer playdates, but even then, it's harder to arrange. And then, of course, there's a lot of risk and uncertainty. Again: put off what I can and look for opportunities to make the most of things. For example, virtual kindergarten has been working out really well for us.

Of course, screen time is an issue, especially with young kids. I just have to find other things to do, like draw these reflections and solve Rubik's cubes and things like that.

There are some things that are about the same now as well as later. Cooking, for example. It's always got to be done, but I can keep growing by trying new recipes and techniques.

Tidying. I've got to keep working on ways to see clutter and get rid of it, maybe figure out where things are supposed to go. I lose a lot of time like trying to find things if I have put them down in a moment of inattention, so I have to figure out how to smoothen that.

Gardening stuff happens every year. It's always a new opportunity to try different plants or learn more skills. This year, we learned how to transplant periwinkle and start them from cuttings.

Health, got to keep working on that. Finding things that I enjoy doing as a form of movement will make it easier later on, too.

There are lots of different things that I can do now to prepare for harder things later, and lots of different ways I can take advantage of what's tough now so that can have ideas for things to improve later on, when things get better. There are things that are about the same. It's all about making the most of the moment.

I have a little less than a year to spend hanging out with A- and learning about early childhood education before she goes to kindergarten next year. If I’m intentional about what I want to learn, then I can make the best use of the time.

I’m not worried about making sure A- is academically advanced. I do want to have fun playing with her, though. I like learning more about how kids learn math, science, and literacy so that I can appreciate how she’s figuring things out and I can build on learning opportunities all around us. I want to learn more about nature and physical literacy, too. I can learn about these topics by reading early childhood education books and trying out ideas.

I have a little space to work on my own skills, thanks to investing in having a babysitter every Saturday. I’d like to slowly ramp up skills I’ve been neglecting for the past few years. If I pick personal projects aligned with these skills and I let my consulting clients know what I’m curious about, I’ll probably get plenty of opportunities to learn in the process of doing useful things.

• Python:
  • personal finance: better decisions, peace of mind
  • robotic process automation
  • text analysis: work with journal entries?
  • image analysis: handwriting recognition, grouping sketches?
• Emacs: because it tickles my brain
  • I want to start up hangouts again when A- is in school: maybe Jitsi + Icecast or Youtube?
  • I want to dig into new features in Org and other projects to expand the possibilities for automation
• Deployment: so that I can improve reproducibility and reduce risk
  • Automation
  • Containers
• Reusable web components: so that my prototypes look more polished and support richer interactions
• SQL, Tableau:
  • More data analysis at work? Hampered by indirect access to data
• Sketchnotes:
  • More colour
  • Wider visual vocabulary
  • Wider range of topics/thoughts: I can practise this in the process of learning more about early childhood education
• General organization/notes: My files have gotten a little overgrown. I’d like to get better at prioritizing, organizing, writing, and sharing

I was thinking about steps towards personal digital assistants. In a separate thread, I was also thinking about the psychology of aging. In a third thread, I was thinking about projects I might want to build to help me learn more. It makes sense to bring all these threads together: thinking of systems I can build to improve the quality of life I’ll enjoy in the future.

I think this might be a better fit for my experimental learning than either a hypothetical market or specific people. After all, I’ll always have a future self who could benefit. (And if I don’t, I’ll be past caring!) If the things I build along the way turn out to be useful for others, all the better.

Anyway, I was thinking about the kind of simple, deterministic, idiosyncratic assistant I could build to make life a teensy bit better in the medium term and the long term.

I could start with a text box interface on a webpage, then move to alternative inputs like dictation or neuro-integration(!) when that becomes reliable. It would be great to have some kind of offline buffering, too.

In terms of logic, I could start with stateless well-defined responses, add synonyms, support conversational interfaces, use weighted factors, add feedback mechanisms, and then eventually reach proactive notification and action. Inferences would be awesome, but I don’t have to wait for them to be sorted out. Ditto for program generation and adaptation.

In terms of sensing and acting, I can start with existing APIs and tools, write specific adapters for other sites, push into the physical world with sensors and actuators, use context and probability to simplify, and then take advantage of improvements in fields like computer vision or biometric analysis as other people build and commoditize cool tech.

But first, it starts with building a simple tool. Hmm, maybe a little thing that suggests what to do next (and coincidentally makes it easy to track)…

I know you're supposed to live in the present, but I get a lot of value from thinking about futures and what I can learn from the possibilities. Imagining different futures helps me see what I can do, choose to do some things instead of others, and keep track of how I'm doing along the way.

In the problem-solving model that Tim Hurson shares in Think Better (2008), you come up with potential Target Futures and prioritize a few based on three factors:

• Influence: Is it something you have influence over?
• Importance: Is it important enough to you that you'll put in the work to get there?
• Imagination: Can you solve it with an off-the-shelf solution, or do you have to come up with something new?

A good future pulls you toward it. You want it, and so you act on it.

I periodically think about what the target futures for my interests look and feel like. Last year, I wrote about how I don't need to get to "awesome" in everything. Sometimes it still helps to think about what that "awesome" might look like, though. I realized that I don't have to use the same definition of "awesome" that other people use. Figuring out what "awesome" means to me can help me identify the differences between my current state and my future state, and that shows me what I can do or what I can learn to get there. I want to pick differences that are mostly under my control, that are important enough to call me to action, and that may even create something new in the world.