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Dealing with feeling under the weather

I don’t get sick a lot. When I do, it’s such a relief to be able to take the time to sleep and recover, knowing that I don’t have to rush anywhere. I have a few firm commitments coming up in the next few weeks, so I want to make sure I’m at the top of my game then. It makes sense to take it easy now so that I can reduce the risk of missing out on important things. Besides, W- has my back, and we have a safety net. Even if we don’t get a lot of cooking done during the weekend, we can grab pizza or sushi for J- (since she prefers fresh meals) or dig into the meals we stashed in our freezer.

2014-09-14 Dealing with feeling under the weather

2014-09-14 Dealing with feeling under the weather

When you’re fuzzy-brained, thinking of options can be difficult. It can be good to think about the trade-offs, backup plans, and workarounds in advance. Knowing what I can swap out and what I need to do can help me get through these fuzzy times a little bit better.

Writing and drawing are a little more difficult during fuzzy times. I don’t feel like I’m writing anything particularly useful or interesting, and I catch myself repeating similar thoughts. Fortunately, I’ve given myself permission to be boring too. I think of these more as notes and raw material that I can collect for a future Sacha who might be able to make sense of things.

A time for all things!

Getting ready for my third fiscal year end

Okay. I might actually be getting the hang of this. =)

I’m the sort of person who actually looks forward to tax season. For my tiny company, I set it to September instead of December. That way, I can spread out doing my business taxes and my personal taxes.

I wanted to get a head start on preparing my taxes, especially since I switched to the HST Quick Method this year. After a little over two hours fiddling with my books (reconciling my statements, filling in the gaps, and figuring out quick method calculations), I feel reasonably certain that I’ll be able to do this year’s tax return myself, too. Based on my numbers, it looks like switching to quick method was worth it this year. (Better late than never!)

It was a pleasant surprise to find out that I’d earned the equivalent of almost a month of living expenses through pay-what-you-want e-book sales and $5 Helpouts. Thank you for your generosity! =D I’m looking forward to shifting time away from consulting and towards making more things that I can share with people.

Interest income added up, too, but not as much as equity investments would have. It might be time to learn how to pay myself dividends so that I can personally invest more into the market, or to sort out what holding investments in a corporation would be like.

Now that my trial run of taxes is done, I just have to wait for the final numbers to come in over the next few weeks. How exciting!

Weekly review: Week ending September 12, 2014

I’ve been feeling a little under the weather, so I’ve been taking it easy in order to not jeopardize a few important things coming up. W- is in crunch mode too. Result: the occasional pizza or takeout dinner for J-, which is okay for now because we’ll get back into the swing of cooking later on.

Blog posts

Sketches

Link round-up

Focus areas and time review

  • Business (64.8h – 38%)
    • Earn (40.0h – 61% of Business)
      • E1: Work on poll improvements
      • Earn: E1: 2.5-3.5 days of consulting
    • Build (5.9h – 9% of Business)
      • Upgrade webserver
      • Uprade WordPress to 4.0
      • Drawing (1.6h)
      • Delegation (0.0h)
      • Packaging (0.0h)
      • Paperwork (2.2h)
        • Check on Brock Health claim
        • Order TurboTax
    • Connect (18.9h – 29% of Business)
      • Help with Helpouts
      • Send Helpouts messages
  • Relationships (5.8h – 3%)
    • Help with Hacklab kitchen
    • Work on project K
    • Shop for dishwasher parts
  • Discretionary – Productive (3.7h – 2%)
    • Emacs (0.0h – 0% of all)
      • Set up Emacs Chats again?
    • Arrange for cheque
    • Apply for cultural access pass
    • Back up phone
    • Clean up phone apps
    • Reflash phone
    • Water the garden
    • Apply for passport
    • Ask two guarantors for passport
    • Get passport pictures
    • Pay Mastercard
    • Pick up cultural access pass from Front and Parliament
    • Writing (2.0h)
  • Discretionary – Play (0.6h – 0%)
  • Personal routines (25.6h – 15%)
  • Unpaid work (7.9h – 4%)
  • Sleep (59.5h – 35% – average of 8.5 per day)

Becoming Filipino-Canadian

Last week, I took the Canadian citizenship oath. Yay! So now I’m Filipino and Canadian, and will probably not have to be so anxious about travel. (Or I’ll end up find new and different excuses why I’d rather stay home, now that I can worry less about being stuck on the wrong side of an immigration counter.)

2014-09-05 Becoming Filipino-Canadian

2014-09-05 Becoming Filipino-Canadian

Excellent timing, since we have elections coming up.

The process was faster than I expected. I lost my passport (well, technically, Canada Post lost it, harrumph) and had resigned myself to the prospect of a delay of year or two. Happy to get this all sorted out earlier!

Figuring out how to deal with sub-optimal times

There are days when I’m at the top of my game. It’s easy to think, learn, write, draw, code, be present. Somehow, time stretches to accommodate the different things I want to do. Those are good days. I have them frequently enough so that my optimistic brain considers this the default, although there are also Really Good days when things totally rock.

Then there are times when I feel fuzzy or blah or frazzled or stressed. I guess you could call them sub-optimal, although sub-optimal is a funny word because there’s so much space below “optimal” that you’d spend practically all of your time in sub-optimal zone. Anyway.

I was thinking about the different variants of fuzziness, frazzledness, and such things. When you’re feeling out of it, sometimes you don’t have the ability (or inclination) to pin down exactly why you feel out of it and what you can do about that – either to help you recharge, or to at least mitigate the downsides of being down. It makes sense to come up with some ways to recognize and work around your brain state.

2014-09-04 Suboptimal Sacha

2014-09-04 Suboptimal Sacha

Here’s a quick list of sub-optimal states I sometimes find myself in:

  • Sleepy: Pretty straightforward. Tends to happen if I get less than 8 hours of sleep (probably even anything less than 8.3), or if my sleep is messed up by interruptions, buzzing brains, etc. Manifests itself as slowness, tiredness, yawns. The fix is easy: take it easy, nap, or go to sleep earlier.
  • Sick: The occasional cold makes me feel all blah and fuzzy. Hard to think creatively during these times. Good time to sleep or play video games.
  • Stretched: This happens when I’m trying to pay attention to too many projects or open loops. I feel a little frazzled around the edges. I can generally deal with this by writing down all the tasks into Org Mode and scheduling them appropriately, but sometimes I still get stressed around calendar events or multiple places to check.
  • Buzzy: When my mind skitters to and fro, usually because it’s been overstimulated by computers or video games. Hard to focus. Can be addressed by walks or sleeping. Can be minimized by not using computers late at night, and not trying to multitask important things during meetings.
  • Fuzzy: Hard to focus, but in a different way from buzziness. When I feel fuzzy, my thoughts feel slow and it’s hard to grab onto something. It’s a good time to do straightforward tasks that don’t require much thinking, like accounting. I can also break down creative tasks into smaller less-creative pieces, so I can still get small chunks of writing or drawing done even when my brain is tired.
  • Speeding: Sometimes I overlook details or things I need to do. When we catch that, it’s a good time to slow down and ask people to doublecheck my work. Related to buzziness and feeling stretched. Checklists, processes, and automation help a lot.
  • Absent-minded: Sometimes I’ll blank out when it comes to where I’ve put something or what I was about to do because I wasn’t paying enough attention. Related to fuzziness. Habits, reminders, and lists help; also, W- helps me remember or find things.
  • Anxious: Generally around being late, messing up, or forgetting important things. When I’m awake and reasonable, I know that the world tends to keep on going and that people adjust, but early meetings still disproportionately interfere with sleep. I can calm down my lizard brain when I’m awake enough to do it. Sleeping is easier with backup alarms and wake-up reminders.
  • Annoyed/frustrated: When things are more limited than I hoped they’d be, or I have to figure out complicated workarounds. Can handle this by dissociating emotion from dealing with things like Internet Explorer. Also, taking plenty of notes helps, since I can avoid having to re-solve the problem in the future. If I can share my notes, all the better.
  • Embarrassed: Sometimes I mess up, and sometimes programming/automation helps me mess up on a grand scale. Whoops. Somewhat mitigated if I focus on moving forward and fixing multiple gaps. Having team members provide air cover helps a lot too.

I’d been feeling a little bit stretched lately. When I recognized that, I made lots of lists of ongoing tasks and open loops. That helped a lot. =) I feel a little bit fuzzy in the evenings, but certain kinds of drawing and writing actually help with that instead of making it worse. Hmm…

Crunch mode

I’m working more intensely than I expected to do at this point in time, roughly halfway through my 5-year experiment. I had planned to wind down to two days a week of consulting, or even one or zero. Instead, I’m working on a potentially high-profile project with shifting requirements and technology risk. I can definitely tell the difference between this time, my more relaxed consulting, and the longer spans of time I sometimes spend on personal projects. I feel it in the fuzziness of my mind at the end of the day, the shifts in the rhythms at home, the ebbs of my writing.

It’s good to reflect on the trade-offs I’m making, and to learn from the preferences they reveal. I agree with past-Sacha’s decision: the downside of temporary crunch time for the upside of an intense learning experience and the ability to help a good team at a moment when it matters a lot. I like the team and the work we do. It’s also fun to come up with a neat technical solution that creatively pulls together several pieces and saves the day.

But I can’t let myself get addicted to that feeling. =) It’s too easy to get used to this rhythm, to forget what other days are like. I think I’m about ready to focus on my own stuff for a while, after I get past the milestones I’ve committed to in the next month and a half.

Part of the reason for this experiment is to force myself to explore. There will always be more challenges and opportunities in the consulting world. I like the leisurely pace of unscheduled days and mornings without meetings, and the odd and interesting things you can learn when you meander.

Besides, my current crunch time happens to coincide with W-‘s crunch time at work. I miss the flexibility of being able to take care of all of the house things when W- needs to focus on work. While we’re happy to eat leftovers or reheat things from the freezer, J- prefers freshly-cooked food. I was helping out at Hacklab most of the weekend, and neither W- nor I got much cooking or planning done. Tonight we’re resorting to pizza delivery. (Hmm, maybe I should just scale back Hacklab, socializing, and other optional things for now.) It’s good that we have these options, and what I’m doing is worth it too. Still, observing this gap now will help me make better use of my time later on, when I’ve tilted the slider more towards retirement. Will I actually cook lots of fresh, yummy dinner? I hope so.

I like what I’m doing, and I think it’s worth it for now. And yet I also like the self that the gaps reveal, and the constraints help me have a clearer idea of what I want from different situations. From work, I want learning, tool-building, and generally more upsides than downsides. From recreation, I want that feeling of abundance and play, and the ability to make our home life smoother. There’ll be time enough to explore that, so I’m not worried. I just have to make the most of where and when I am. =)