Last year, I wrote that even as A+ grows more independent, I want to be around to spend more time with her if she wants to. I clocked less time doing childcare this year, but I think we went to more places, and there's more richness to the time we spend together. I'm learning to fret less and trust more, and this is good. We're figuring out how this might work going forward as she continues to individuate.
Exclamations of "I'm bored" have reduced slightly, although they occasionally still happen if she's tired or off-balance. She's mostly figured out how to independently explore her interests, although she still likes to spend lots of time with me. I only occasionally fret about A+ and independent time (which often involves screens). She's curious, likes to think about and apply what she's learning, and is often eager to help out around the house or go outside and play with friends.
Sometimes I have a little time to think. I'm not used to this yet and the words don't flow easily (do they ever?), but it's promising.
Sometimes it's still a challenge to get myself into the right frame of mind to fully appreciate when she wants to spend time with me. Sometimes I just want to be able to write or focus. As we like to remind ourselves, though, this time with each other is a limited time offer.
It feels like we're starting to see the results of so many little experiments accumulating over the years. I like who we are now, and what I think we're growing towards. A+ generally considers things carefully and is getting the hang of making her own decisions, knowing her own self.
My little tweaks and processes have gotten me through the worst of the early-parenting time crunch, I think, so I may have a bit of runway before health constraints kick in. As I develop my own interests, I'll probably dial down writing about life with A+, to give her the space and privacy to figure herself out. I'm looking forward to deepening the things I've been learning from these parenting and tech journeys. Life's not ideal, but it is what it is.
I'm learning more about supporting A+. This was the first year we weren't approved for any exemptions from synchronous learning, so A+ had to be in virtual grade 3 from start to finish. She was bored waiting for the class to get through lessons, and the drain of managing her boredom often resulted in resistance to doing the work in the 5- or 10-minute segments the teacher allocated during classtime. She completed pretty much all of it after class, although a few things ended up being turned in late or couldn't be done because she didn't have the information discussed in class.
Contrary to my short-term anxieties around trying to get her to do the work, it turned out that backing off was better for all of us. Even with the growing pains and the occasional questionable decision, it's better for her to learn how to learn than for me to try to push, push, push. I experimented with scheduling my fretting for Saturdays, which worked surprisingly well. This gave her space to own her learning and manage things herself. W- and A+ helped remind me whenever I started fretting unnecessarily. Transforming that nervous energy into silliness seemed to help, too.
I think school is going to be a little tricky for A+ as she's outside the normal range. Special support is only offered in in-person schools, though, so we'll just have to figure out how to make the most of virtual school for now. That might mean letting her figure out what level of attention she wants to pay when, and how to find things to enjoy while not going crazy. We tweaked our physical space by swapping rooms so that she got the one with more sunlight, floor space, and a desk by the window. That way, even with longer days in front of a screen, she could still get a bit more light. I occasionally took her out of school for informal field trips to the art gallery or museum, or to afternoon playdates with her friends. It helped break up the tedium, and that sort of learning is important too.
There were plenty of opportunities for her to practise independence at playdates after school: skating in winter, biking in the spring and fall, splash pads and pools as the weather warmed up. She took on the responsibility of packing her own clothes and snacks. With a walkie-talkie in her basket, she biked ahead to nearby playdates and nature club meetings. I was around in case she needed me to hover, like when there were little kids who were too young to be reasoned with but who were used to reading an adult's expressions.
A+ figured out her own step-by-step progression for the milestones she wanted to work on: first the corner store, then the farmers market, then the supermarket. I sewed A+ a canvas bag with a pocket for her purse so that she could buy her own snacks. She was interested in swimming and pottery wheels, so I signed her up for classes and stayed on the far side of the pool or pottery studio. I stepped back as she struggled with some social interactions and figured out what felt right to her in others. When she wanted to dress like me, I sewed us matching swimwear and skirts. When she was grumpy with me, W- tagged in, or we let her cool herself down while I went off to explore my own interests.
I think this is the way to go for us. Closeness when she wants closeness, space when she wants space. People learn how to decide by deciding, so it's good for her to experiment with decisions while the stakes are low. She's beginning to figure herself out. I still worry a little, of course, but that's part of life. She's curious, and I enjoy learning along with her. I love our late-night conversations about all sorts of things. (Last night we talked about wired telephone exchanges and cellular networks.)
%20--%20learning%20sketchnote%20book%20visual-book-notes%20thinking.png){kind=link}
%20--%20VisualBookNotes%20habits.png){kind=link}
