Raising a Secure Child (Guilford Publications, 2017) is about reflecting on and working with the Circle of Security: how kids go out to explore and come back for comfort, and how we can support them both going and coming back. It reminds us to be bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind, and that children can't figure out how to manage their emotions by themselves – they need us to help them.

Me, I'm working on helping A- feel that I delight in who she is, not just what she does. It's easy to have fun paying attention to every little thing she learns, keeping track of them in my journal, but she's more than the sum of those moments.

I also noticed that some of my internal pressure to get A- outside might come more from my need to be a good parent than what she needs at the moment. Being aware of that helped me slow down and appreciate what she wanted from time at home.

The book talks a lot about shark music, the fears and insecurities that get in our way as parents. I notice that I exert a little effort when supporting A-‘s exploration so that I don't let my worries interfere with her, and I want to be careful not to make her feel I'm crowding her.

I'm definitely safety-sensitive in terms of relationships, and I can see why that's the case. Knowing that, I can try to correct for my biases and work on connecting better. I might not be as comfortable with anger as I could be, and that's worth working on too. I'm okay handling A-‘s anger, although she rarely gets angry too.

I like the way the Being-With concept gives me more ways of thinking about supporting A- through challenging emotions. The sample dialogues were interesting.

I think I need to try the ideas from Raising a Secure Child for a while before I can get a sense of whom I might recommend the book to. It's good food for thought, though.

It rained almost all weekend. W- focused on cleaning the house. I felt a little guilty and unproductive, pulled this way and that by A-‘s requests: “I want to play playdough!” “I want to go outside!” “No Mama go upstairs!” “I want to read books!” “I want to play with letters!” All the while, W- was bustling around, getting stuff done. But W- was patient with us, and we did manage to help a little with folding laundry, tidying up, and cleaning the carpet.

I was thinking about what a better weekend routine could be like. Then I realized something: of course, A- won't have weekends until she has weekdays. She doesn't care about the calendar. She goes by our daily routine, modified slightly on the days we have classes. Our daily rhythm has some time for self-care, some time for tidying up, and lots of time for play inside and outside. There's no space yet for the kind of focused project work that W- can do, unless A- is asleep (and even then, she still wakes up from time to time). That's okay. That will come in time.

What can I do about weekends now? I'd like to free up more time for W- to work on projects. It would help to move more household chores to the week, especially if I can make them playful.

• Laundry: It's cheaper to do during the weekend, but maybe I can bring down and sort things more frequently, and I can start a load every now and then. A- has gotten interested in answering questions about laundry (“Is this A-‘s or Mama's?” “Mama's!”), a good prelude to sorting. She's also interested in folding, although she's probably still pretty far from being able to do it. Practice time!
• Cooking: We've been able to cook a few times, so we'll keep trying. If I time it for when W- will be home, then he can take over during the final stages just in case.
• Tidying: We do a small tidy-up before eating, but maybe we can expand it, especially if I turn it into a game of spotting what's out of place. If I donate some of the children's books that are too advanced for A-, I can free up a basket that I can then use to carry things around.
• Vacuuming: I don't like doing this when A- is with me, because she usually insists on being close and the vacuum is quite loud. She started getting interested in hearing protection, though, so maybe she can wear hearing protectors while I vacuum.
• Groceries: I can usually pick up staples, but I don't like buying lots of ingredients without confirming with W-. It's easy for W- to pick up groceries on the way home, too.
• Hanging out with A-: This is an important part of the weekend. Figuring out ways that we can involve A- in projects and in household chores means W- gets to spend time with A-, too.

I wonder if I can increase my playfulness so that I can engage her in more household chores, and I can think about scaffolding her so that she can gradually build skills. She's got built-in drives toward helpfulness and mastery, so I can take advantage of that.

A-‘s indoor play tends to focus on playdough, letters, scissors, drawing, and pretend. She loves being read to. She can spend hours at the playground, too. All of those are wonderful things. I want to be fully there when we're playing, not trying to pull her towards chores. I think it will be more about gently insisting that we need to do something as a small part of our daily routine, and then perhaps enthusiastically suggesting things when she's undecided.

We've considered hiring help. So far, it's been good for A- to see us involved in taking care of the house, and for her to get involved as well. It's pretty manageable, actually. We aren't at the point of being stressed by it, so we're going to keep playing it by ear.

It would be neat if we can shift enough from the weekend so that chores generally feel evenly distributed throughout the week. Then W- can choose whether he needs to spend the time working on projects, he can spend time hanging out with us, or he can slow down project work so that A- and I can join. It'll be fun figuring this out.

As for me, I can accept that I won't be able to work as fast or as effectively as W- does. Even if A- switched over to hanging out with him, I probably wouldn't even think of half the things he does, so that's okay. Instead, I'll focus on helping A- learn as much as she can, and I'll try to learn as much as I can as well: what he notices, what he knows, what he does about stuff, and so on. There's plenty for me to learn even when I'm playing with A-. We can do this!

We got the Thule Chariot XT bike trailer that also quickly converts into a stroller. Our goals are:

• Model physical activity, and biking in particular
• Explore more of the city
• Expand our range

We started by getting A- used to the stroller. She's generally amenable to it, and has asked for it when she's sleepy. She also likes insisting on walking or even pushing the stroller, saying “I want to exercise my body!” We totally support that, of course, so I don't insist on putting her back in.

This week, I tried biking. I rode the mountain bike by itself a few times around the block to get the hang of it, since the shifters and frame were different from the ones on my bike. Then we hitched up the bike trailer, and I rode around the neighbourhood a few more times. Then we did a test ride with A-.

I've been testing the bike trailer on short trips with A-. She's not always keen on it, which makes getting her into the trailer and on the way home sometimes a dicey prospect. If I don't have any time pressure and I make an effort to be extra-playful, though, I might be able to convince her to put on the helmet and get in the trailer. She responds better to play and energy than to collaborative problem-solving. Today, it helped to stick lots of stickers on the helmet and to pretend to be getting ready for airplane take off.

I'd like to practise with short trips to playgrounds that she might likes. Maybe High Park, Vermont Square Park, and Dufferin Grove. Those are well-served by public transit in case I need to bail. Worst-case scenario, I can probably lock the bike up somewhere, take a picture and send the location to W-, and he can retrieve it. I'd rather avoid that, though.

I think it might be good to experiment with keeping things low-pressure.

• I'll take transit for classes, appointments, and other things I need to get to or leave in a fairly predictable manner. Even then, I'll give people a heads-up that stuff might happen, and I'll keep an oops fund in case I need to pay for last-minute cancellations or cab fares.
• I won't let any embarrassment about running late get in my way.
• When making plans with friends, I'll give them a heads-up, and I'll trust in their being grown-ups who can replan or find something that works for them.
• A- tends to stay at a park a long time once we get there, so maybe I can ping people once we arrive and then see if they want to meet up. I should wrap up a few hours before sunset, too, just in case.
• Speaking of trust, I'll also trust that people can make their own decisions about whether they want to hang out with us in a playground (with bubbles! and snacks!). I've been a little uncertain about hanging out with non-parent friends because of the stereotype of a kid-obsessed parent who can't talk about much else, but parks can be nice to enjoy anyway, I'm starting to free up some coding and thinking time, and maybe people might want to hang out with kids because it's rejuvenating.

Biking opens up exciting possibilities. I don't have to make it pay off entirely this year, or even worry about the break-even point compared to transit. I think a different experience of Toronto might be well worth it. It's also good practice in adapting to situations and getting better at being playful. Looking forward to getting out more!

Okay. I've gotten basic recording sorted out, I think. I can capture quick notes, photos, and videos to document our lives and serve as placeholders for further reflection. I can organize them into rough categories. Babysitting gives me enough brainspace for both consulting and self-improvement. My sleep is still a bit messy, but that's probably at least half because of me. I'm confident about spending time with A- and helping her learn stuff. Time to think of the next steps.

I think there are three big areas for me:

• planning and experimenting with potential improvements: needs attention, creativity, and implementation time
• sharing tweaks and things I've figured out: good for backing up and for conversation
• making sense of facts, asking questions, synthesizing, reflecting

Our continuous improvement capabilities are okay, although of course there's room to grow. Physical stuff (reorganization, trying stuff, decluttering) can happen throughout the day. Reading fits in late at night or in snippets throughout the day, although I'm still skimming for things to think about instead of being able to take notes or think about things in depth. Coding tiny little tools fits in late at night or during babysitting sessions – not big projects yet, but shell scripts and short Emacs Lisp functions are quite doable.

I'd like to get better at circling back and posting source code and experiment notes. Maybe I'll start by including just a paragraph or two describing key motivation and intended result, then jump straight into the code or description. I'm not sure if it will help anyone else, but who knows? Besides, it's good to have stuff like that in my own archive.

It seems like such a splurge to use babysitting time for thinking, drawing, and writing. I don't know if I can write a post worth $120+ to myself or other people, and besides, I want to write more personally relevant things before I get back into sketchnoting books or putting together, say, Emacs guides. But if I think of the babysitting as primarily paying for A- to practise independence and social interaction with someone one-on-one, I do some consulting every week, and I make an effort to pick up one or two new activity ideas each time we have someone over, I can think of the discretionary time as a bonus instead of trying to optimize my use of that time.

Let me think about sense-making. I've been focusing on just capturing what was going on because it was hard to think more deeply. I'm a little less preoccupied now, so I have some brainspace for thinking. Some questions to ponder:

• What is A- interested in learning? What does she think? Why does she do what she does? How can I grow so that I can support her even more effectively?
• What else can I experiment with? How can I reduce waste or costs (including intangibles), and how can I increase benefits?
• How can I make learning visible for both A- and me?
• What do I want from all of this? How do I want this to shape me?

Writing this on a bench in the park, arms around a sleeping A-, I'm somewhat challenged by the small window I'm writing in (there's room for a couple of paragraphs and that's it), the inability to refer to other things side by side, and the possibility of interruption. But maybe I can think and write in medium-sized chunks: a little bigger than the quick notes I've been taking, but small enough that I don't need an outline or the ability to easily rearrange my text. I can write more stream-of-consciousness stuff instead of worrying about editing. I can give myself permission to cover ground relatedly instead of worrying whether I'd written about something before, or if I'd just dreamed it.

Let's warm up those thinking muscles. :)

Recipe suggestions for cooking with toddlers tend to focus on scooping and sprinkling, but I think young kids can do much more. A- was happily cracking eggs at 17 months, and she even sometimes managed to leave the yolks intact. She's now a little over 2 years old, and she loves helping in the kitchen. We picked up a second-hand Learning Tower to bring her up to counter height, and it's one of my favourite pieces of toddler gear.

I think toddler-friendly recipes should:

• accommodate variations in quantity (A- sometimes wants to keep scooping!),
• have weight measurements (great for quick corrections once the toddler is done scooping),
• be forgiving about time and attention during cooking (to accommodate potty breaks, playtime, impromptu dance parties, etc.): for example, zucchini muffins are easier than spinach pancakes
• be easy to clean up both during prep and eating: for example, we tend to not do tomato sauces
• be grown-up friendly: we prefer family portions, not just kid-specific meals

Bonus points for:

• permitting play and sensory exploration, like the way A- likes it when we make breadsticks because it's just like playdough, and salad is good for tearing and spinning
• allowing more independence: things that can be cut with butter knives, etc.
• short ingredient lists using mostly common ingredients that are easy to keep in stock (since I sometimes find it hard to shop for groceries with a toddler)
• ingredients that are safe to handle raw and don't require constant cleaning/handwashing: cheese is easier to work with than raw chicken
• being easy to pack for lunch or snacks
• recipe collections that gradually introduce new skills, tools, and tastes
• being easy to make ahead or prepare in short stages: for example, I can chop a few carrots while A- is napping, and it's okay if they sit on the counter a bit if A- wakes up crying
• being easy to manage with multiple kids: division of labour, minimal choking/eating hazards, etc.
• individually identifiable portions: for example, making pizza

So far, A- likes helping us with scrambled eggs, pizza, breadsticks, spinach smoothies, zucchini muffins, rice, and anything that involves cheese or cucumbers. Of course, she's involved in cleaning up, too. Working on expanding our repertoire!

What has changed between our trip last January and this next trip? How can I adapt and make things even better?

• I'm traveling with A- while W- stays home. This means he can drop us off at the airport. We've traveled the same route without him before, so I'm less worried about handling long flights on my own.
• A- will be too big for a bassinet. Instead, we're going to try the baby seat provided by Korean Air. According to SeatMaestro, the baby seat is good for 9.1-31.7 kg (20-70 lbs) and a height less than 124.5 cm (49 in), so A- should be okay in it. She's been focusing on the bassinet in her pretend play, so I hope she doesn't get too disappointed.
• I requested grown-up meals for A- instead of child meals. I used to throw out half of the child meals anyway because they were too sugary. We might as well go with the regular meals so that we can try different entrees.
• A- may want to be carried in my arms instead of the carrier. If I can get away without bringing a rolling carry-on, going with just a backpack might be more convenient.
• A- often likes walking. If I don't have to worry about scrambling for overhead bin space, it might make sense to let her run around first instead of boarding the plane early.
• A- is more talkative. Her pretend play is more elaborate. She can even sometimes be reasoned with. On the flipside, she's also more particular about what she wants.
• My dad is no longer alive. No fun stories from him. New family dynamics will take a while to adjust. On the other hand, A- won't feel nervous about the IV stand or my dad's coughing. We'll deal.
• My sister and her kids will be moving from the Philippines to the Netherlands in the middle of our trip, and my mom will be figuring out her new normal. So things will probably be busy and chaotic, and my mom will probably be sad. I'll continue to focus on A-, of course.
• I won't bring a laptop. I sorted out how to write my journal and Emacs News on my phone, so I think I can probably get away without my personal laptop this time. I was able to turn over my consulting stuff to my client, too, so no work laptop either. This should make getting through airport security a bit easier, although I might still need to take the iPad out.
• I won't pack a lot of snacks. There's plenty of food on the plane and at the airport, and it's good to spend money to explore new tastes. Still, I might bring some fruit or cheese next time.
• I'm using more travel organizers. W- has convinced me of the power of organizers. I also bought packing cubes to help me keep my backpack and my suitcase sorted. Having zippered units will probably help me a lot while packing, since otherwise A- tends to unpack my stuff at the same time.
• I have a phone with a good camera, and a long battery life, and a stylus. This probably means way more pictures and videos, some writing, and maybe even some drawing. It's bigger, though, so I need to think about stashing the phone securely.
• I have an iPad with a stylus. I can't reliably use it for notetaking yet because A- gets distracted by it, but maybe I can figure out a good workflow for drawing and learn more by doodling. W- lent me his Bluetooth keyboard, too.
• I'm going to keep the ditty bag and toothbrush from the airplane amenities kit. The bag is handy for organizing things, and A- recognizes the toothbrush as “airplane toothbrush.”
• I'll buy an electric toothbrush head in the Philippines. I noticed there's an electric toothbrush body in the bathroom, so I'll just get my own toothbrush head while I'm there instead of bringing the one from home.
• I'll bring our backup nail scissors. I'll probably leave them in the Philippines, too.
• I'll try to leave my Philippine things neatly packed in a bin at my mom's house. That way, I don't need to take up drawer and closet space in between trips.
• We're landing in Toronto on a Saturday. It was really helpful to have W- around when I recovered from the long trip. Well worth paying extra.
• We're paying for our own hotels in Korea both ways. We're not eligible for the stopover paid by carrier program (STPC) even on the return leg. We used to get it on our previous itineraries, but maybe we can't this time because we're flying out on Friday and there's another flight that leaves later. Maybe they've changed their rules. Anyway, since we'll still have a bit of energy after the 4-hour flight from Manila, I'm going to go check out a different hotel on the way back.
• I'll postpone moving off nursing or diapers. I'll continue talking to A- about it, but I won't nudge her too much.
• I'll organize my everyday carry. A-‘s new bag doesn't have as many pockets, so I'll need to stay better organized. I'll probably need to use a wallet. I wonder if it's time to try the vest again. I wish I'd gotten it in beige instead of black – no need to be any warmer in the sun. Anyway, I can see if it works for going through the airport and lounging around at home. If I like it, I might consider getting a lightweight khaki one for my next trip.
• New Crocs. Same as the old Crocs, but not worn down.
• I can wear scrubs again. No nurses in the house, so I can go back to wearing scrub pants without feeling weird. Pants with pockets for the win.
• I'm not bringing a backup sling, just my main carrier. If my main carrier needs washing, I'll just carry A-.
• I'm packing Giraffe in check-in instead of carry-on. I think A- is comfortable enough to get away with one stuffed toy instead of two during the flights.
• We're traveling more frequently. It's been just two months since our last trip. But I decided to take A- more frequently this year while my mom gets used to life without my dad. Going now means we'll have a few days with A-‘s cousins too. If we didn't go now, we would probably wait until June, since A- has a couple of big medical things scheduled for May. Time to take the first circus, as my family would say…