Category Archives: life

Back to biking

We got the Thule Chariot XT bike trailer that also quickly converts into a stroller. Our goals are:

  • Model physical activity, and biking in particular
  • Explore more of the city
  • Expand our range

We started by getting A- used to the stroller. She’s generally amenable to it, and has asked for it when she’s sleepy. She also likes insisting on walking or even pushing the stroller, saying “I want to exercise my body!” We totally support that, of course, so I don’t insist on putting her back in.

This week, I tried biking. I rode the mountain bike by itself a few times around the block to get the hang of it, since the shifters and frame were different from the ones on my bike. Then we hitched up the bike trailer, and I rode around the neighbourhood a few more times. Then we did a test ride with A-.

I’ve been testing the bike trailer on short trips with A-. She’s not always keen on it, which makes getting her into the trailer and on the way home sometimes a dicey prospect. If I don’t have any time pressure and I make an effort to be extra-playful, though, I might be able to convince her to put on the helmet and get in the trailer. She responds better to play and energy than to collaborative problem-solving. Today, it helped to stick lots of stickers on the helmet and to pretend to be getting ready for airplane take off.

I’d like to practise with short trips to playgrounds that she might likes. Maybe High Park, Vermont Square Park, and Dufferin Grove. Those are well-served by public transit in case I need to bail. Worst-case scenario, I can probably lock the bike up somewhere, take a picture and send the location to W-, and he can retrieve it. I’d rather avoid that, though.

I think it might be good to experiment with keeping things low-pressure.

  • I’ll take transit for classes, appointments, and other things I need to get to or leave in a fairly predictable manner. Even then, I’ll give people a heads-up that stuff might happen, and I’ll keep an oops fund in case I need to pay for last-minute cancellations or cab fares.
  • I won’t let any embarrassment about running late get in my way.
  • When making plans with friends, I’ll give them a heads-up, and I’ll trust in their being grown-ups who can replan or find something that works for them.
  • A- tends to stay at a park a long time once we get there, so maybe I can ping people once we arrive and then see if they want to meet up. I should wrap up a few hours before sunset, too, just in case.
  • Speaking of trust, I’ll also trust that people can make their own decisions about whether they want to hang out with us in a playground (with bubbles! and snacks!). I’ve been a little uncertain about hanging out with non-parent friends because of the stereotype of a kid-obsessed parent who can’t talk about much else, but parks can be nice to enjoy anyway, I’m starting to free up some coding and thinking time, and maybe people might want to hang out with kids because it’s rejuvenating.

Biking opens up exciting possibilities. I don’t have to make it pay off entirely this year, or even worry about the break-even point compared to transit. I think a different experience of Toronto might be well worth it. It’s also good practice in adapting to situations and getting better at being playful. Looking forward to getting out more!

Thinking about more reflection and sharing

Okay. I’ve gotten basic recording sorted out, I think. I can capture quick notes, photos, and videos to document our lives and serve as placeholders for further reflection. I can organize them into rough categories. Babysitting gives me enough brainspace for both consulting and self-improvement. My sleep is still a bit messy, but that’s probably at least half because of me. I’m confident about spending time with A- and helping her learn stuff. Time to think of the next steps.

I think there are three big areas for me:

  • planning and experimenting with potential improvements: needs attention, creativity, and implementation time
  • sharing tweaks and things I’ve figured out: good for backing up and for conversation
  • making sense of facts, asking questions, synthesizing, reflecting

Our continuous improvement capabilities are okay, although of course there’s room to grow. Physical stuff (reorganization, trying stuff, decluttering) can happen throughout the day. Reading fits in late at night or in snippets throughout the day, although I’m still skimming for things to think about instead of being able to take notes or think about things in depth. Coding tiny little tools fits in late at night or during babysitting sessions – not big projects yet, but shell scripts and short Emacs Lisp functions are quite doable.

I’d like to get better at circling back and posting source code and experiment notes. Maybe I’ll start by including just a paragraph or two describing key motivation and intended result, then jump straight into the code or description. I’m not sure if it will help anyone else, but who knows? Besides, it’s good to have stuff like that in my own archive.

It seems like such a splurge to use babysitting time for thinking, drawing, and writing. I don’t know if I can write a post worth $120+ to myself or other people, and besides, I want to write more personally relevant things before I get back into sketchnoting books or putting together, say, Emacs guides. But if I think of the babysitting as primarily paying for A- to practise independence and social interaction with someone one-on-one, I do some consulting every week, and I make an effort to pick up one or two new activity ideas each time we have someone over, I can think of the discretionary time as a bonus instead of trying to optimize my use of that time.

Let me think about sense-making. I’ve been focusing on just capturing what was going on because it was hard to think more deeply. I’m a little less preoccupied now, so I have some brainspace for thinking. Some questions to ponder:

  • What is A- interested in learning? What does she think? Why does she do what she does? How can I grow so that I can support her even more effectively?
  • What else can I experiment with? How can I reduce waste or costs (including intangibles), and how can I increase benefits?
  • How can I make learning visible for both A- and me?
  • What do I want from all of this? How do I want this to shape me?

Writing this on a bench in the park, arms around a sleeping A-, I’m somewhat challenged by the small window I’m writing in (there’s room for a couple of paragraphs and that’s it), the inability to refer to other things side by side, and the possibility of interruption. But maybe I can think and write in medium-sized chunks: a little bigger than the quick notes I’ve been taking, but small enough that I don’t need an outline or the ability to easily rearrange my text. I can write more stream-of-consciousness stuff instead of worrying about editing. I can give myself permission to cover ground relatedly instead of worrying whether I’d written about something before, or if I’d just dreamed it.

Let’s warm up those thinking muscles. :)

Choosing recipes with a toddler in the kitchen

Recipe suggestions for cooking with toddlers tend to focus on scooping and sprinkling, but I think young kids can do much more. A- was happily cracking eggs at 17 months, and she even sometimes managed to leave the yolks intact. She’s now a little over 2 years old, and she loves helping in the kitchen. We picked up a second-hand Learning Tower to bring her up to counter height, and it’s one of my favourite pieces of toddler gear.

I think toddler-friendly recipes should:

  • accommodate variations in quantity (A- sometimes wants to keep scooping!),
  • have weight measurements (great for quick corrections once the toddler is done scooping),
  • be forgiving about time and attention during cooking (to accommodate potty breaks, playtime, impromptu dance parties, etc.): for example, zucchini muffins are easier than spinach pancakes
  • be easy to clean up both during prep and eating: for example, we tend to not do tomato sauces
  • be grown-up friendly: we prefer family portions, not just kid-specific meals

Bonus points for:

  • permitting play and sensory exploration, like the way A- likes it when we make breadsticks because it’s just like playdough, and salad is good for tearing and spinning
  • allowing more independence: things that can be cut with butter knives, etc.
  • short ingredient lists using mostly common ingredients that are easy to keep in stock (since I sometimes find it hard to shop for groceries with a toddler)
  • ingredients that are safe to handle raw and don’t require constant cleaning/handwashing: cheese is easier to work with than raw chicken
  • being easy to pack for lunch or snacks
  • recipe collections that gradually introduce new skills, tools, and tastes
  • being easy to make ahead or prepare in short stages: for example, I can chop a few carrots while A- is napping, and it’s okay if they sit on the counter a bit if A- wakes up crying
  • being easy to manage with multiple kids: division of labour, minimal choking/eating hazards, etc.
  • individually identifiable portions: for example, making pizza

So far, A- likes helping us with scrambled eggs, pizza, breadsticks, spinach smoothies, zucchini muffins, rice, and anything that involves cheese or cucumbers. Of course, she’s involved in cleaning up, too. Working on expanding our repertoire!

Travel kaizen

What has changed between our trip last January and this next trip? How can I adapt and make things even better?

  • I’m traveling with A- while W- stays home. This means he can drop us off at the airport. We’ve traveled the same route without him before, so I’m less worried about handling long flights on my own.
  • A- will be too big for a bassinet. Instead, we’re going to try the baby seat provided by Korean Air. According to SeatMaestro, the baby seat is good for 9.1-31.7 kg (20-70 lbs) and a height less than 124.5 cm (49 in), so A- should be okay in it. She’s been focusing on the bassinet in her pretend play, so I hope she doesn’t get too disappointed.
  • I requested grown-up meals for A- instead of child meals. I used to throw out half of the child meals anyway because they were too sugary. We might as well go with the regular meals so that we can try different entrees.
  • A- may want to be carried in my arms instead of the carrier. If I can get away without bringing a rolling carry-on, going with just a backpack might be more convenient.
  • A- often likes walking. If I don’t have to worry about scrambling for overhead bin space, it might make sense to let her run around first instead of boarding the plane early.
  • A- is more talkative. Her pretend play is more elaborate. She can even sometimes be reasoned with. On the flipside, she’s also more particular about what she wants.
  • My dad is no longer alive. No fun stories from him. New family dynamics will take a while to adjust. On the other hand, A- won’t feel nervous about the IV stand or my dad’s coughing. We’ll deal.
  • My sister and her kids will be moving from the Philippines to the Netherlands in the middle of our trip, and my mom will be figuring out her new normal. So things will probably be busy and chaotic, and my mom will probably be sad. I’ll continue to focus on A-, of course.
  • I won’t bring a laptop. I sorted out how to write my journal and Emacs News on my phone, so I think I can probably get away without my personal laptop this time. I was able to turn over my consulting stuff to my client, too, so no work laptop either. This should make getting through airport security a bit easier, although I might still need to take the iPad out.
  • I won’t pack a lot of snacks. There’s plenty of food on the plane and at the airport, and it’s good to spend money to explore new tastes. Still, I might bring some fruit or cheese next time.
  • I’m using more travel organizers. W- has convinced me of the power of organizers. I also bought packing cubes to help me keep my backpack and my suitcase sorted. Having zippered units will probably help me a lot while packing, since otherwise A- tends to unpack my stuff at the same time.
  • I have a phone with a good camera, and a long battery life, and a stylus. This probably means way more pictures and videos, some writing, and maybe even some drawing. It’s bigger, though, so I need to think about stashing the phone securely.
  • I have an iPad with a stylus. I can’t reliably use it for notetaking yet because A- gets distracted by it, but maybe I can figure out a good workflow for drawing and learn more by doodling. W- lent me his Bluetooth keyboard, too.
  • I’m going to keep the ditty bag and toothbrush from the airplane amenities kit. The bag is handy for organizing things, and A- recognizes the toothbrush as “airplane toothbrush.”
  • I’ll buy an electric toothbrush head in the Philippines. I noticed there’s an electric toothbrush body in the bathroom, so I’ll just get my own toothbrush head while I’m there instead of bringing the one from home.
  • I’ll bring our backup nail scissors. I’ll probably leave them in the Philippines, too.
  • I’ll try to leave my Philippine things neatly packed in a bin at my mom’s house. That way, I don’t need to take up drawer and closet space in between trips.
  • We’re landing in Toronto on a Saturday. It was really helpful to have W- around when I recovered from the long trip. Well worth paying extra.
  • We’re paying for our own hotels in Korea both ways. We’re not eligible for the stopover paid by carrier program (STPC) even on the return leg. We used to get it on our previous itineraries, but maybe we can’t this time because we’re flying out on Friday and there’s another flight that leaves later. Maybe they’ve changed their rules. Anyway, since we’ll still have a bit of energy after the 4-hour flight from Manila, I’m going to go check out a different hotel on the way back.
  • I’ll postpone moving off nursing or diapers. I’ll continue talking to A- about it, but I won’t nudge her too much.
  • I’ll organize my everyday carry. A-‘s new bag doesn’t have as many pockets, so I’ll need to stay better organized. I’ll probably need to use a wallet. I wonder if it’s time to try the vest again. I wish I’d gotten it in beige instead of black – no need to be any warmer in the sun. Anyway, I can see if it works for going through the airport and lounging around at home. If I like it, I might consider getting a lightweight khaki one for my next trip.
  • New Crocs. Same as the old Crocs, but not worn down.
  • I can wear scrubs again. No nurses in the house, so I can go back to wearing scrub pants without feeling weird. Pants with pockets for the win.
  • I’m not bringing a backup sling, just my main carrier. If my main carrier needs washing, I’ll just carry A-.
  • I’m packing Giraffe in check-in instead of carry-on. I think A- is comfortable enough to get away with one stuffed toy instead of two during the flights.
  • We’re traveling more frequently. It’s been just two months since our last trip. But I decided to take A- more frequently this year while my mom gets used to life without my dad. Going now means we’ll have a few days with A-‘s cousins too. If we didn’t go now, we would probably wait until June, since A- has a couple of big medical things scheduled for May. Time to take the first circus, as my family would say…

Scribe and tinker

I’ve been figuring out more about what tickles my brain and what I want to do with my life.

On one hand, I’m a scribe. I like extracting, organizing, and connecting ideas. I like getting stuff out of my head and into a form that I can work with or share with other people. I often like helping get stuff out of other people’s heads too. This explains my fascination with blogging, sketchnoting, personal knowledge management, and processes. To get better at this, I can focus on skills like:

  • Asking questions
  • Finding resources
  • Making sense
  • Connecting and building on ideas
  • Organizing
  • Communicating
  • Archiving

On the other hand, I’m a tinker. I like tweaking things to make them better. It’s not about big inventions, but small, continuous improvements. This explains my fascination with Emacs, Quantified Self, open source, and general geeking around. To get better at this, I can focus on skills like:

  • Seeing problems and possibilities
  • Estimating, prioritizing, and evaluating
  • Setting up experiments
  • Connecting ideas
  • Learning techniques
  • Coding
  • Tweaking physical things

If I look at the intersection of being a scribe and being a tinker, that explains my interest in:

  • Building/tweaking systems to help me capture, organize, connect, and share knowledge
  • Writing about experiments and lessons learned

What would it look like to be very, very good at these things? It’s quite convenient that I’m into knowledge work, since I can learn from millennia of people passionate about that. Tinkering shows up in entrepreneurship and invention, so I have plenty of role models there, too. I could probably spend a lifetime learning as much as I can from Benjamin Franklin and similar people.

How does parenting influence this? What can I gain from being the primary caregiver of a young child?

I’ve taken advantage of my push towards externalizing memory to work out a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly journaling workflow that works for me, and a way to think about questions in the scattered moments I have for myself. It took a bit of figuring out and there are things I still want to improve about my process. Chances are that there are other similarly-inclined people who could benefit. I wonder what things could be like if we could get better at thinking, capturing, and sharing at this stage. I don’t expect that I’ll come up with some brilliant insights. Most of my notes are about everyday life or my own questions. Still, I notice that this process seems to be good for my mental health, and it’s okay for me to explore ideas slowly especially if I get better at building on ideas instead of going around in circles. I can let the tough meaning-making be handled by people like Pulitzer-prize journalists (surely there must be quite a few who have also been or will become primary caregivers) and people who have different life arrangements (like part-time daycare), and I can focus on the questions I’m particularly curious about or the things that are uncommon about our experiments.

As for tinkering, there are tons of improvement opportunities exposed by the demands of parenting. If I keep track of the pain points/opportunities and work on improving my skills, I’ll probably grow at just the right pace. It would be interesting to improve my quick-experiment rate. Reading and thinking give me lots of things to try in terms of parenting, and talking to other people might help a lot too. W- is a good mentor for quick DIY and household things. It’s a little harder to do quick programming tweaks at the moment, but that can wait until I can concentrate more. I’ve set up my phone so that I can do some things through it, so I can consider the tradeoff between coding on my phone versus using the time to write.

I think I can make this work so that the time and energy I’ll devote to A- over the next couple of years can count for other goals, too. The more clearly I understand myself, the more effectively I can use my time and attention. I’m looking forward to seeing where writing more can take me, since I can do that while A-‘s nursing. During the day, it could be good to explore improvements to our physical environment and our processes, since A- can appreciate those too. There’ll be time for other things later, as A- becomes more capable and more independent. Onward!

Thinking about impact

In preparation for possibly making it to a conversation tomorrow about quantified impact, I’ve been thinking about the impact I want my experiments to have and how I might be able to observe and measure them.

I realized that I’m less interested in looking at my impact on the wider world and more interested in looking at the impact on myself. I’m also interested in the impact on my family. This is partly due to the influence of Stoicism’s focus on the things that I can control, partly the freedom of not having external performance reviews, and partly an experimental belief that if I take care of my own life and share what I’m learning with others, wider impact will follow. I don’t need to seek it prematurely. I can focus instead on having a solid foundation to build on.

If I evaluated impact based on the outcomes for A-, I would leave that too vulnerable to chance (what if A- died unexpectedly?) or conflict (what if A- wanted a different path?). It feels more right to focus on doing my part well, and to evaluate myself accordingly. If other things work out well, that’s a nice bonus, and keeping an eye on how those things are going can help me check if I’m on track or drifting.

With that in mind, what kind of impact do l want for my experiments, big and small?

Deeper appreciation of life, meaning: My biggest experiment at the moment is parenting. Based on research, parenting is likely to increase feelings of satisfaction and purpose, and will probably be worth the reduced autonomy and increased vulnerability. It’s not so much about pleasure as it is about eudaimonia.

Deeper appreciation of W- and other people: Research is pessimistic on the effect of parenting on marital satisfaction and social connection, but I might be able to counter those effects by paying attention thoughtfully. I’ve certainly developed a deeper appreciation of W- over the past few years, and I feel like I’m getting to know Toronto better too. Parenting lets me see my family and my in-laws in a new light. I like being able to remember that everyone was a baby once, too, and I like being able to appreciate other people more.

Practice in equanimity: Parenting brings plenty of opportunities to apply philosophy to life. I like wasting less energy on frustration and directing more energy towards paying attention and moving forward. I’ve been able to keep my cool in varied situations, and now I’m working on being able to respond thoughtfully and creatively in the moment.

Push to learn and grow: I’m taking advantage of my desire to help A- by learning more about child development, early childhood education, health, science, and other things. I’m sure I’ll learn about lots of random topics along the way. I’m trading a bit of self-direction for motivation and pushes out of my comfort zone. I could start tracking this by writing down what I’m learning about.

Experiences, empathy: Not only with W- and A-, but with other people too.

Immersion into children’s worlds, playfulness, wonder, creativity: Good stuff.

Reduced friction, increased capabilities, increased effects: It’s good to deal with constraints like sleep disruption and limited attention, since I can find the rough spots and figure out ways to improve them.

Good boundaries, assertiveness, deliberation: I’m learning more about making decisions, asserting myself, and changing my mind as needed.

Shared notes, possible business ideas, credibility: Other people might benefit from what I’m learning or doing.

Increased Emacs community, learning from each other: I’m glad I can do Emacs News. Looking forward to having more brain space so that I can contribute tweaks too, since playing with Emacs improves my capabilities and tickles my brain.

The book All Joy and No Fun promises to be an interesting summary of the research into the effects of parenting on parents.

If I can be more thoughtful about the effects I want (or need to watch out for) from the various choices I can make, then I might be able to make better decisions or invest a little effort and get even better results. It’s fun thinking about these things!